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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28009002">You Broke Me First</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/greeny1710/pseuds/greeny1710'>greeny1710</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Chaotic Trio verse [19]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Formula 1 RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Lots of Crying, M/M, Will there be a happy ending? Stay tuned, sad sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:26:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,946</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28009002</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/greeny1710/pseuds/greeny1710</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Max and Daniel's relationship was fine. </p><p>It was great. </p><p>And then Max got a text and everything changed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Chaotic Trio verse [19]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1594924</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>145</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>222</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It's officially one whole year since I started writing Chaotic Trio, and 450k, a lot of tears, laughter and heartbreak later, we're still thriving. </p><p>Honestly like I just wanna get emo on main for a second and say if you've been reading this series from the start or you're new to it, thank you for all the love and support and for just letting my little gremlin brain have way too much fun and create such an expansive AU that has allowed me to just <i>have fun</i>. It's something I love doing and I seriously don't get how or why it's so popular and loved but like legit thank you so much. I've made some wonderful friends along the way with it and had some wonderful interactions with commenters, and I just,,,, im very soft and idk im probably going to start crying at some point today bc I am just forever blown away by how much people enjoy my stuff. So like, thanks, a lot. I really love you❤️</p><p>AND ON A LESS MUSHY NOTE</p><p>bc it's the one year anniversary and this fic kicked off with the first date of Max and Daniel, I felt it fitting that the anniversary should be their break up. </p><p>Yes im aware im an evil, sadistic little shit, but I have been planning this since literally April and I have no self control so yes you can yell at me, I am more than prepared </p><p>:) hope you enjoy :)</p><p> </p><p>  <b>CW: Depression, implied past suicide attempt but not actually every explicitly mentioned</b></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header"> Private </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> You should know ricciardo only ever asked you out when you were older because your brother stopped him trying it on with you when you was a kid</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> Who are you? </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> Someone that knows too much. Ricciardo was going to try it on with you and then break your heart. We all wanted to see if you was as easy as we thought. </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> Turns out we were right </span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>Daniel was downstairs when Max had read the texts. He’d seen the way his phone had lit up whilst Daniel had been stroking his fingers through Max’s hair and explaining a concept in football that Max really should’ve paid more attention to than he was. But listening to Daniel talk about something that he loved, especially something as mundane as football, made Max happy. He may not always understand fully, but he knew that Daniel told him these things because he was sharing a part of him that he wanted to connect with Max. And Max had always adored listening to him.</p><p>Until he’d read the text messages. </p><p>Who was it, and what the fuck did they mean?</p><p>Daniel always said that he loved Max, and surely over a year into their relationship it wouldn’t be lies? Daniel wouldn’t have kept up the charade for that long. He’d gone to university for fucks sake. He’d moved out and still came home and Max had visited his flat and Daniel had cuddled in Max’s bed and Max had held him in his arms whilst he’d cried over his parents splitting up with Max being able to do nothing more than remind Daniel that he wasn’t alone. He’d given Max his jacket with the football team and Daniel’s names printed on it to wear at the matches Max could attend. He deliberately chose the university whose football team had a Pride award for their contributions to make both himself and Max more comfortable. </p><p>The messages were lies. They had to be lies.</p><p>Daniel loved him...</p><p>Didn’t he?</p><p>But what if he didn’t?</p><p>What if this was all just a lie and Daniel didn’t love him?</p><p>Maybe everything had just been a ruse. </p><p>Max watched a tear drop onto his screen, the words melding behind them. It was almost poetic injustice that the tear had to land and amplify on the word ‘leave’. </p><p>Daniel was just with him for fun.</p><p>He really was nothing more than a <i>fucking body</i> for Daniel. </p><p>Someone to experiment with and do whatever so that he could report back to people just what a weirdo Max was. </p><p>“Max? You alright baby?” Daniel said as he came back into Max’s room, shutting the door with a definitive click when he saw Max huddled over his phone and his shoulders were shaking slightly and immediately diving to squat in front of Max and placing his hands on Max’s knees comfortingly. “Baby come on, talk to me, what’s happened?”</p><p>“What’s this all about?” Max asked, turning his phone over to Daniel.</p><p>Max watched as Daniel read the words, his eyes widening before falling shut in regret. </p><p>“You weren’t meant to find out about this...”</p><p>“What does it mean, Daniel? Who is this person?”</p><p>“I have my guesses, but I don’t know. But it’s old news, it was years ago, not this time, not when I asked you out last year, you have to believe me.”</p><p>Max felt more tears fall from his eyes as Daniel almost seemed to beg him to listen. </p><p>“It was when we were younger, I had just turned fourteen with some stupid popularity God complex. You were the adorable quiet kid and-”</p><p>“What was you going to do?”</p><p>“Max-”</p><p>“Daniel just fucking tell me!” Max yelled, cutting off Daniel from trying to justify it</p><p>“I was going to try it on with you! I was going to make you kiss me and then, I don’t know, I just, it was a dare to see if I could get you to kiss me and fall in love with me like 14 year olds do and then like ditch you I guess. But I didn’t! And I know it was a dick move but I was fourteen, I didn’t think about it in the same way then. I was just a kid. When Valtteri punched me-”</p><p>“Valtteri knows about this?” Max asked, tears falling faster.</p><p>“He, yeah, he knows, he knows, Max,” Daniel stumbled over his words as he pushed up onto the bed to sit beside Max. Max watched Daniel’s face drop when Max flinched and shuffled backwards to get further from him. “He stopped it. I, fuck, I never meant for you to find out. I just, I was a kid, I was stupid-”</p><p>“You were fourteen. You should’ve known better!”</p><p>“But I didn’t! I didn’t think about the consequences. I didn’t know that you were struggling so much at that age, I didn’t know that you were being picked on, I didn’t know about your anxiety, I didn’t know shit, Max, you have to believe me.”</p><p>“I don’t know if I can,” Max told him, and when Daniel tried to catch his hand to pull him into a hug, he abruptly pulled his arm out of the way. </p><p>“You were my first fucking kiss when I was just about to turn seventeen. And you were going to try it on with me when I was thirteen?” Max asked.</p><p>Daniel nodded slowly, wiping the falling tears from his cheeks and carding his fingers through his curls. </p><p>“I didn’t think about it like that, Max, I didn’t. I’ve always had a thing for you, you know that. I’ve always thought you were cute and funny and adorable, and when they dared me, I just, I thought that would be the only chance I ever got. I never in a million years thought I’d be lucky enough to call you my boyfriend one day, and as soon as Valtteri punched me I understood what I was doing. I understood it was wrong, and it’s why I never did it.”</p><p>Max curled his arms around himself and pushed himself further onto the opposite side of his bed to Daniel, his breath coming out in shudders as an ocean pooled in his eyes. </p><p>Daniel shuffled in front of him, resting his hands on top of Max’s knees and looking up at him. </p><p>“I am so, unbelievably, fucking sorry for that, and nothing I ever say will fix what I was going to do.”</p><p>“Why me…?”</p><p>Daniel shrugged and shook his head lightly. </p><p>“I don’t know, I guess they thought it would be funny. I just wanted to kiss you.”</p><p>“How is fucking with someone’s feelings funny?”</p><p>“Max, I didn’t want to do that for that reason! I didn’t know if you’d even want to kiss me, I thought you were straight. I didn’t think I’d ever get that far, but the idea of being maybe able to kiss you was all I wanted. I was <i>barely fourteen</i> Max, I was an idiot who thought with their dick and not their heart.”</p><p>Max pulled the sleeves of his sweater over his hands and wiped at his face. Daniel’s fingers tied around his wrists and pulled them away, replacing his fingers with his own to wipe away the tears that had decorated his face. Tears that Daniel had been the one to put there. </p><p>“Baby, please, I’m sorry, it’s why I’ve never told you. It’s why Valtteri told me to not tell you, he said he knew best and it wasn’t right to tell you. I knew you’d think that I only asked you out in year 12 because of it, but it’s not like that. It’s not. I love you, Max, you mean the world to me, please baby.”</p><p>Max pulled away from Daniel’s fingers, and shook his head.</p><p>“I was thirteen, with the biggest crush on the hottest guy in school, and you were purposely going to use that against me?!”</p><p>“No, no, Maxy, I didn’t know you had a crush on me. I never would’ve agreed to it if I did. It wasn’t until Valtteri stepped in that I figured out that there was more to it than just you being the quiet kid. They had probably already realised you had a crush on me which is why they thought it would be funny, but I never wanted to hurt you,” Daniel told him, his hands flapping as he toyed between cradling Max’s jaw in his hands and keeping them to himself. </p><p>“You thought I was easy... and all your old fucking friends used to think I was a freak. Is that what’s been going on all this time?! You’ve been getting me to do everything so you can run back to them and tell them Max Räikkönen-Vettel likes being pushed around and told what to do, huh? Because that’s all I ever will be, isn’t it? Just a fucking freak.”</p><p>“No!” Daniel cried, grabbing Max’s shoulders and holding him in place. </p><p>“I should’ve guessed, I should’ve figured it out. Why would someone like you want someone like me? You just wanted someone to get your dick wet with.”</p><p>“Don’t you dare say that!” Daniel angrily said, “I was a fucking kid who was going to make a stupid mistake. It was over four and a half years ago, Max, I was stupid back then. I never asked you out when you were seventeen just to get in your pants. I waited, Max, I told you I’d wait until the end of time if that’s what made it better for you. You’re not just a someone to me, you’re my everything.”</p><p>Daniel dived forward, pressing his lips against Max’s and kissing him hard, trying to convey everything he couldn’t say into the kiss. Max’s hands came to scrunch up Daniel’s t-shirt, fisting it between his hands as he kissed back. Twin tear streaks fell from their cheeks as Daniel pushed Max backwards onto the bed, straddling his waist, never once breaking the kiss. </p><p>Max started pulling at Daniel’s shirt, tugging it up around his armpits until Daniel reached for the back of it and dragged it over his head. He flung it into the corner of Max’s room and sighed into Max’s mouth when he felt Max’s shaky fingers trace across his abs. </p><p>“Please,” Max whispered, “I need you.”</p><p>“Max-”</p><p>“Daniel, please, please just, I need to feel you, I need to feel something,” Max begged, his voice catching on his sobs. </p><p>Daniel pulled back and looked at Max, saw the way Max was looking at him and nodded. </p><p>He pressed Max back into the pillows, cradling his body like fine china and slowly started to work his way down his body. Daniel traced his fingers over Max’s body, committing every dip to his mind like he didn’t already know his boyfriend’s body better than his own. Both of them seemed to be more than a little bit aware that this could very well be the last time Daniel ever got to touch Max, ever got to feel his love and his warmth, and Max knew that Daniel would be beating himself up like crazy for it. </p><p>This was his fault after all. A year of trust and love between them and Daniel had shattered it by lying to him. By keeping this from him. </p><p>But Valtteri had told him to. Had told him that keeping this from Max was the right thing to do. And Valtteri had blatantly lied to Max’s face every single time that he asked his big brother why he didn’t like Daniel that much, always saying there was no reason. </p><p>Yet another person that lied to him. </p><p>Daniel hadn’t known Max as well as he did now when they first got together. He hadn’t known how dangerous Max’s mind could be and how badly it played tricks on him. All he’d known was that Max was the sweet and quiet boy that spent most of his time in the library or staying behind after class to talk to his teacher. </p><p>Valtteri told him that he knew his brother better than anyone and that Max didn’t need to know. </p><p>Why did the people he loved keep hurting him, Max thought, trying to still make sense of everything even though his mind was getting quickly distracted by Daniel and his hands. </p><p>Max caught at Daniel’s hand, lacing their fingers together as Daniel pulled Max’s sweatpants down slowly, kissing every bit of exposed skin that he could. </p><p>“Baby I’m so sorry,” Daniel murmured, kissing the dips of his hipbones.</p><p>“Please, I need you,” Max told him, threading his fingers through Daniel’s curls and pulling him up, dragging him into a kiss of pure dejection and heartache. </p><p>Nodding against Max’s lips, Daniel pressed their foreheads together for just a moment before breaking away to grab the lube to open Max up. </p><p>“How do you want this?”</p><p>“Just like this,” Max told him, squeezing Daniel’s hand as he slowly worked his fingers into him. </p><p>“Don’t, don’t be fucking gentle now,” Max warned, hot tears streaming down his face as he propped himself up on an elbow to look at Daniel.</p><p>“Prep isn’t dependent on how upset you are Max, I’m not going to rush this and hurt you, I’ve done enough of that today,” Daniel whispered.</p><p>“Please Daniel, I need you close.”</p><p>“I don’t know if we should do this Max...” </p><p>“Daniel please, please, I need this, please.” The pleading tone should’ve turned Daniel on, it always did before. Hearing Max begging to get fucked did that. It made Daniel so fucking weak for him that he’d bend Max onto the nearest available surface and take him rough and fast because Max <i>loved</i> it. </p><p>And yet now, hearing the pleas mixed with the tears of brokenness didn’t do that. </p><p>All it did was remind both of them what Daniel had done to break the heart of the boy he claimed to love. </p><p>Daniel’s fingers caught at the sweet spots in Max, finding those spots that normally sent Max into a whimpering mess for all the right reasons. Not because Daniel had inadvertently broken his heart. </p><p>“Please, Daniel, I’m ready,” Max whimpered, dragging on Daniel’s hand to pull him close again.</p><p>Daniel nodded and climbed up to kiss Max, tasting the salty tears and the sadness emanating off those lips that he claimed to love so much. </p><p>As Daniel slowly pressed into him, Max held his hand tightly, hissing in a breath at the initial stretch, before his head turned to the side and his eyes fixated on the rose tattooed up Daniel’s hand. The rose he’d gotten for Max. </p><p>He’d only had it for a month...</p><p>It had only just healed and yet now it was going to wilt, to fall and tear apart, to slowly drown under the expectations of being beautiful only to get torn apart with lies and deception.</p><p>“I love you,” Daniel whispered, his voice still thick with tears.</p><p>“Don’t,” Max replied, “Don’t say that.”</p><p>Daniel slowly started to rock his hips, rolling into Max and taking him apart gently and carefully. The motion was almost microscopic, barely moving in and out of Max as he cried. </p><p>They both ignored the tears falling from Daniel’s eyes and melding with the tracks tracing Max’s. </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Daniel whispered, pressing a quick succession of kisses to Max’s lips, “Please, Max, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Max didn’t give him a verbal response, instead kept his eyes fixed on Daniel’s hand beside Max’s head to look at the rose.</p><p>
  <i>He loves me</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He loves me not</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He loves me</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He loves me not</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He loves me</i>
</p><p>Max’s thoughts were cut off by a strangled moan as Daniel moved his jaw and pressed their mouths together, the angle changing just so and sending him hurdling towards his climax as Daniel wrapped his hand around Max’s dick. Max let out a weak sob, his body shaking through his orgasm, clutching impossibly tighter onto Daniel’s hand and his eyes falling shut.</p><p>
  <i>He loves me not</i>
</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Maxy, please, I’m so sorry,” Daniel whimpered, rolling his hips a few more times before Max nodded at him, not able to say anything due to the emotion rolling through his veins. </p><p>Daniel knew. </p><p>They both knew.</p><p>Max couldn’t say it anymore. </p><p>His heart was shattering.</p><p>Daniel’s voice produced tears. </p><p>Everything was breaking, Max cracking under it all and Daniel pushed into him one last time, his cum spilling in him and leaving Max to clutch onto his hand and screw his eyes shut, unable to look at Daniel anymore. </p><p>Daniel pulled out after a moment, his forehead pressed into Max’s collarbone. Max whimpered at the emptiness, pushing Daniel away from him and rolling out of bed, shucking some shorts on so that he could go and clean himself up. Normally Daniel would clean him up, but somehow it felt wrong now. </p><p>It felt way too intimate for a boy that Max could barely look at without feeling his heart breaking. </p><p>Part of him wished he’d always known. That Daniel had sat Max down when they first got together and told him the reason why his old friends had used to enjoy making fun of Max because they’d been denied the opportunity to humiliate him. If Daniel had told him, Max could’ve dealt with it. </p><p>He could’ve decided what he wanted to do, he could’ve given himself some time to figure out how he wanted to go forth with his relationship with Daniel, before he’d given so much of himself over to Daniel. </p><p>Before he’d fucking trusted Daniel with not just his body, but his mind and his heart. </p><p>It’s funny how he felt more violated because he’d trusted Daniel with all his insecurities about how he struggled to make friends because he forever thought they were only keeping him around to make fun of him, with Daniel promising that he’d never have even dreamt to do that, only to find out that he’d been part of the problem. </p><p>His heart was shattering, each sob that threatened to tear itself free from him getting pushed down because otherwise Max knew he wasn’t going to be able to breathe anymore. </p><p>Walking back to his bedroom, Daniel was sat on Max’s bed, having pulled back on his sweats and t-shirt, his head buried in his hands and his shoulders shaking slightly as he took deep breaths.</p><p>The door shut quietly behind Max. </p><p>He didn’t need other people to overhear this. </p><p>Daniel looked up, staring at Max in a way that Max hadn’t ever seen before.</p><p>There was almost something pleading in Daniel’s eyes, but also resignation, like he already knew what was coming but was also begging it to not be happening. </p><p>Leaning back into the door, Max sighed, eyes closing briefly before looking up at Daniel, trying to not give in when he knew that right now what he needed to do was take care of himself. </p><p>And that meant that he couldn’t have Daniel anymore. </p><p>“I want you to go, I can’t, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be with you knowing all of this. Knowing you lied to me.”</p><p>Max was marginally proud of himself when his voice didn’t shake and he didn’t relent, not even when Daniel’s voice cracked as he stared at Max. </p><p>“What are you saying, Max?”</p><p>“I can’t do this, I just, I need you to go. I need you to leave because I can’t do this. I can’t be with you right now. I think we need to spend some time apart. I can’t be your boyfriend anymore.”</p><p>“Max, please-”</p><p>“Please go,” Max begged, and when he pressed his palms into his eyes to push the tears down, he knew he had to make another decision. </p><p>He pulled Daniel’s yellow hoodie over his head, held it in his hands for a moment to breathe in that last remaining smell of Daniel and then crossed the floor to press it into his hands. </p><p>It was the first hoodie he’d ever stolen from Daniel. </p><p>“No baby, don’t, don’t do this,” Daniel said, trying to push the jumper back into Max’s hands. “Keep it, please, it’s yours, baby, just keep it, please.”</p><p>“I can’t have it, I can’t be reminded of you, please Dan, if you love me, just go.”</p><p>Daniel held the jumper to his face for a moment. He cried softly into the fabric, before standing up, red rimmed eyes and tear tracks on his face. </p><p>Gently, he cupped Max’s jaw, whispered another sorry, and kissed him. </p><p>And with that final, lingering kiss to Max’s lips, he left. </p><p>Max felt empty as he watched Daniel leave. Normally he’d go to the car with him, watch Daniel climb into it and then get pulled in with him, sit on his lap for a few minutes with Daniel’s arms wrapped around his waist and Max’s around Daniel’s neck, lazily kissing and making out for those extra few minutes that they could be alone until they could see each other next. </p><p>But Max couldn’t do that now. Instead he’d just watched the love of his life walk away. </p><p>He’d made the love of his life walk away. </p><p>And Max didn’t know what to do about it. </p><p>He shut his bedroom door again and sunk to the floor, his heart devoid of all feelings. His mind empty of all thoughts. His eyes dried from all tears. </p><p>There was nothing left. </p><p>Max sat emotionless for a while, not sure what to do or what to think.</p><p>Pressing his head back into the door, Max closed his eyes, looking into the darkness that was supposed to be the thing that scared him most but also kept him the safest. </p><p>He didn’t realise that Daniel leaving his side would scare him more than the darkness. </p><p>Daniel, the boy that wasn’t coming back, Max’s mind whispered. Thoughts dragged against each memory of Daniel laughing, Daniel cuddling him, Daniel turning up at 4am on a dreary March morning simply because Max was scared, Daniel bringing him chicken nuggets when he was upset, Daniel holding his hand and introducing him to his new flatmates at uni, Daniel texting him silly things throughout the day purely because he knew it would make Max laugh. </p><p>Daniel, the boy who Max’s heart desperately wanted to come back. </p><p>Pushing himself up, Max pressed an ear to his door for a moment, listening to hear if Charles was lurking nearby until he heard the sound of laughter coming from the next room over. </p><p>So Pierre was still here. </p><p>Charles’ relationship was still fine. </p><p>Not that Max wanted Charles and Pierre to break up. More that he just wanted his heart to stop wilting and battering his ribcage in a way that Max knew it was trying to break something else to deal with the ache of watching Daniel leave. </p><p>Walking to the bathroom, Max locked the door and started scrubbing at his face, wiping away all of the tears and the general sorrow that now resided on his broken existence. </p><p>Was it selfish to wish that Valtteri was here so Max could punch him and scream and yell and blame him for keeping this from Max for four years when it was as much of Daniel’s fault as it was Valtteri’s? </p><p>Was it selfish to want Daniel back, to have the boy that he loved cradle him in his arms and tell him that this had all been a nightmare, to wake up from that pitch-black darkness and to know that this wasn’t real, that Daniel still loved him, that Daniel had never, <i>ever</i> been one of the boys that enjoyed taking the piss out of Max?</p><p>Was it selfish that the only way he could think about getting through this was by pretending the world didn’t exist and he could go back to that time, that dark time that no one wanted to remember, when Max could sit under his desk for hours and not move, not breathe, staring into the distance and waiting for something to trigger him to act <i>normal</i>?</p><p>It’s not like Max <i>wanted</i> to remember that time. It’s more that when he focused on that time, he doesn’t have to think about how his heart was shattered now. When he’d told Daniel what he’d done when he was fifteen, Daniel had been horrified. He’d cried and held Max and refused to let go for a long time, and Max had placed his head against Daniel’s heart and not moved, completely emotionless. </p><p>He’d dealt with darkness before, and he could deal with it again. </p><p>Brushing his hands over his face, Max wiped away anything left, took a deep breath and walked back out of the bathroom. </p><p>For a moment, Max faltered. He didn’t want to go back to his room because the residue of Dan’s aftershave would be on the sheets. He didn’t want to go downstairs because he’d see Daniel’s trainers and backpack gone. He didn’t want to go to his twin brother and see him kissing his boyfriend. </p><p>Max walked up the stairs again and sat down on the landing between his parents floor and the kids floor. </p><p>Silently, Max pressed his forehead into the glass and stared into the distance, ignoring the reflection of a shattered figure staring back at him, focusing instead on looking out over the fields stretching beyond their house through the floor to ceiling windows. </p><p>Max had spent many hours sat in front of them over the years. On the nights when the darkness in his head got a little bit too loud, when the fears started to settle in about a new school, a new boyfriend, a new person in his life, it had been those windows that welcomed him. </p><p>Max wasn’t afraid of the darkness in his head. He was afraid of the darkness in his room. </p><p>And now he was afraid of the darkness in his heart. </p><p>Just because he could deal with it didn’t mean he wasn’t terrified. </p><p>Out of instinct, Max wanted to text Daniel. </p><p>He stared lifelessly at his phone that he’d slipped into his pocket before he’d left his bedroom the second time, staring at the lock screen. It was an old photo; one Max had taken on his and Daniel’s first random car ride date when they’d just driven around for a while just after Max’s birthday. But Max loved it. </p><p>Still loves it. </p><p>And still he can’t bring himself to keep it. </p><p>For the first time in one year, two months, and two days, Max’s phone no longer had a photo of himself and his boyfriend as his lock or home screen, and instead it was back to being the default Apple wallpaper. </p><p>His phone started vibrating in his hand and Max swiped to end the call. </p><p>There was no fucking way he was going to talk to Valtteri.</p><p>His Dads were currently out Christmas shopping for them all and so Max pulled up the family group chat to let them know that he was heading out for a bit.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header"> Family </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Today</b> 16:18 </span><br/>
<span class="breply">I’m going to text Percy for a walk. Dan’s gone </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">Dad</span><br/>
<span class="text"> Is he not staying for dinner? </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">Isä</span><br/>
<span class="text"> 👍🏼</span><br/>
<span class="breply"> <b>@Dad</b> No </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">Charles</span><br/>
<span class="text"> Thank god I don’t have to hear you two having sex tonight then </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">Dad</span><br/>
<span class="text"> Charles! Stop being inappropriate! </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">Charles</span><br/>
<span class="text"> im just saying! its disturbing dad! </span><br/>
<span class="text"> im still scarred from that conversation we had to have about kinky sex and bdsm honestly like top 10 worst life experience </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">Dad</span><br/>
<span class="text"> <b>@Max</b> is Dan coming over for dinner tomorrow? </span><br/>
<span class="breply"> <b>@Dad</b> No </span><br/>
</p>
</div>Max wasn’t sure how to tell them that Daniel wouldn’t be coming back ever again.<p>He knew his family loved Daniel, that he was, in their eyes, already their son-in-law with the wedding planned out and their future written in the stars. Daniel got along with everyone. Max’s Uncles and Aunts, his Oma, Opa, Ukki and Mummo. They all found his fumbled German and Finnish, when he just repeated the words that Max told him to and sounded <i>God awful</i> doing so, funny and adorable. They always commented on how Daniel treated Max like a prince, looking at him with pure adoration and unable to do anything but brag about how amazing Max was. </p><p>Max knew that he’d probably acted a bit rashly, and as he walked Percy, his next door neighbour’s dog, through the streets and to a field where Max could be alone and his only company was a dog that stared at him until he threw a ball, ignoring the way tears streamed down his cheeks, his mind drifted back to Daniel. </p><p>There were still all the good moments there. The laughing quietly on the phone at 2am. Laying in Daniel’s bed at his Mum’s house and watching bad romcoms. Studying for exams together and celebrating when Daniel got top grades. Going on adventures and having sugary kisses when they’d eaten donuts and drank milkshakes that looked like they were going to kill you. Snuggling up and playfully arguing when Daniel had to get out of bed to go to football training, only to come back a couple of hours later, sweaty and muddy and jumping on a still sleeping Max to tickle him awake. </p><p>All the times that Max had fallen asleep on the sofa and he’d woken up to Daniel cradling him in his arms and carrying him up the stairs to bed, never telling the older boy that he was awake and instead just snuggling in tighter as Daniel would carefully place him into bed, change him into some pyjamas if he wasn’t already bed-ready and climb in moments later, instantly attaching himself onto Max like a koala. </p><p>Sitting down in the middle of the field, Max didn’t even register the wet grass seeping in through his jeans, the cold melting through Max’s skin and wrapping itself around his heart. </p><p>Daniel was the most beautiful thing to ever happen to Max. </p><p>He was the lightness in the darkness of Max’s world. </p><p>And yet now he was lost in the darkness himself, in a world in which Max couldn’t chase him down and clutch on and refuse to let go. </p><p>Percy whimpered and clambered onto Max’s lap, the little dog putting his front paws on Max’s shoulders and licking the tears away from his face as Max wrapped his arms around Percy and sobbed against his fur. </p><p>In the emptiness of the field, Max sobbed, not quite screaming like he wanted to considering that he had Percy with him and he didn’t want to scare the dog. The dog was the only thing keeping him together after all. </p><p>He sat in the field for a long time, not moving all that much until Percy must’ve decided Max was doing a small bit better and he nudged the ball back in Max’s direction, a request for him to throw it again. </p><p>They played for a while longer, and Max pulled his phone from his pocket at some point to check how messy he looked.</p><p>Silently he scoffed to himself when he realised he looked worse than he had when he’d actually broken up with Daniel. </p><p>Going home looking like, well, a fucking mess wasn’t probably the wisest decision as Max knew that his Dads would instantly be on him and demand to know what was wrong. </p><p>It had been a long time since Max had completely broken down. </p><p>He’d cried a lot when all the news hit about Charles, but he’d never felt this worthless and dejected. </p><p>At least not since…</p><p>
  <i>Then</i>
</p><p>Instead, Max text the one person that he knew would both ask questions whilst also not forcing Max to talk if he wasn’t ready.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header"> Charlotte </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Today</b> 17:58 </span><br/>
<span class="breply"> Hi can I ask a favour? </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> Of course! What’s up? </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> Do you mind if I just pop by before I go home? I’m walking Percy and I’ve just been crying and I don’t want to alarm my neighbours </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> Shit yes of course! Are you alright???? Do you want a hug???? </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> Yeah. I’m alright. Just stressed so I had a cry </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> That’s a mood </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> But yeah, that’s fine honestly, just text me when you get here! Dilara and Cate are here so they will probably hug you. And before you say anything, no you are not intruding and you are going to come by because I want to see Percy so COME BY NOW MAX </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> Thank you, Charlotte </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> Anytime lovely❤️ </span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div>Clipping Percy back onto his lead, the small pup walked by Max’s side, his ball still in his mouth and making Max smile whenever he looked up at Max.<p>Even though it felt like everything was pointless at the moment, Max at least felt the tiniest bit of his heart recover when he got to see that silly smile. Maybe if he cried in front of his Dads they’d get him his own dog. Him and Charles had been asking for a dog since pretty much they came home to their parents, and they’d not quite got one yet, but if Max was going to die alone as a boring and lonely and forever heartbroken person, he’d at least be slightly less lonely if he could have a dog. </p><p>He texted Charlotte like she’d told him to and when she opened the door, her face immediately dropped from mild concern to <i>very much</i> concern. </p><p>“Shit Max, what the hell happened?” Charlotte asked, pulling him into her arms. </p><p>“I’m just sad,” He whimpered, eyes closing as he pressed his face into her shoulder. He felt more arms wrap around him, Cate and Dilara joining them as Percy yelped and jumped around at their feet, trying to get up to Max whilst also wanting attention from the three girls. </p><p>“Babe what happened?” Charlotte tried again, “Tell me, tell me please. What’s going on, Max?”</p><p>“I can’t tell you,” Max whispered. </p><p>Charlotte pulled away, and Max knelt down to pull Percy up into his arms, burying his face in Percy’s fur so that he didn’t have to see Charlotte’s face. </p><p>“Max, tell me now.”</p><p>“I can’t.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because you’ll tell Charles and I don’t want him to know yet.”</p><p>“Charlotte go and get Max some water,” Cate instructed, taking her by the shoulders and turning her around. Charlotte glared at her girlfriend but did as instructed. There was a reason Cate was the mom of their relationship. </p><p>“Max, bambino, tell me what happened,” Cate murmured, stroking her thumb over Max’s cheekbone and brushing away the tears as Dilara came to stand at his side and hug him and Percy. “Is it Daniel? Has something happened with him?”</p><p>When Max didn’t say anything, he heard Cate whisper ‘merda’ under her breath. </p><p>Yeah…</p><p>
  <i>shit</i>
</p><p>That’s how Max felt. </p><p>“Max, tell me what he did because I will bury his body you know I will,” Cate threatened and Max simply shook his head. </p><p>If he didn’t say it, it didn’t happen, right? He didn’t actually break up with the boy he was in love with. </p><p>“Are Charlotte and Charles going to kill him?” Cate asked, and Max nodded. “I’m not going to tell Charlotte, but please just tell me, did you break up?”</p><p>Max couldn’t say anything, he couldn’t say yes, couldn’t confirm it verbally. </p><p>Instead, he simply nodded. </p><p>“I’m going to murder him,” Dilara quietly said and Max let out a giggle that quickly devolved into sobs. </p><p>Part of him still didn’t know why he’d come to Charlotte of all people, but as he stood there, dog in his arms and girls that he barely knew but trusted a lot cuddled around him, his heartbreak did at least feel less isolating. </p><p>He had no fucking clue how he was meant to tell Charles. </p><p>He didn’t want to. </p><p>Charles had his school play performance next week, he had enough to worry and think about. </p><p>If Charles found out what Daniel had done, Charles was going to be spending the next week in a prison cell, and Max had already lost his boyfriend this week, he didn’t want to lose his brother either. </p><p>He wasn’t sure if he’d even want to stop him from trying to kill Daniel. </p><p>Heartbreak was <i>fucking shit</i>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>my brain really doesn't like happiness does it lmao</p><p>Kudos, comments &amp; feedback always greatly appreciated💙</p><p>Tumblr is at <a href="https://3303andmore.tumblr.com">3303andmore</a> xxx</p><p> </p><p>  <b>Fic Requests are currently closed xx </b></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <b>CW: Mentioned suicide attempt, implied suicidal thoughts, mentioned self harm but doesn’t actually happen, mentioned past sexual assault</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>A lot of this chapter deals with Max's reactions again, so there's a lot of him talking and therefore mentions of some dark stuff. Max does not intend to do anything and doesn't discuss anything graphically, it's just some flippant commentary on his behalf</p><p>:)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Max didn’t say anything for most of the night at dinner post break-up. He answered a few questions and made a couple jokes at Charles’ expense, before he mumbled something about homework and ran off to his room, hiding in there for the rest of Saturday evening.</p><p>Valtteri was coming home tomorrow and Max wasn’t sure what to do.</p><p>Did he punch Valtteri the second he walked through the door?</p><p>Did he say nothing and hope for the best?</p><p>Did he confront his older brother and ask why he’d lied to Max?</p><p>Or did he just curl into a ball and cry silently for the next month?</p><p>Because really, that’s all he wants to do. </p><p>Pierre ate dinner with them before Dad and Charles dropped him off home and in the time that it was only Isä and Max in the house, he took the time to go into the shower, sit down against the cold tiling and watching the steam rise up, painting indistinguishable patterns against the glass. </p><p>With every lashing of shower rain down upon him, Max felt the last of his heart melt away and despite biting his lip as hard as he could, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling again. </p><p>He’d never felt like this before, not even when he’d… </p><p>It was as though every goodness in the world was gone, and no matter how hard he tried to clutch onto the good memories, every tear that dripped from his eyes tore another memory from him. </p><p>Waking up the next morning felt torturous. </p><p>He had to live with the knowledge that he should’ve been waking up in Daniel’s arm, kissing lazily and Daniel running his hands up and down Max’s body and pulling him in close. They’d always giggle and Max would bury his face in Daniel’s neck, fingers playing with his curls for those last few moments before they had to get up for the day. </p><p>It was strange waking up alone. </p><p>He woke up alone a lot, obviously he did. Daniel was at university and Max was still at home, but knowing that Daniel was so close by and yet he wasn’t in his arms <i>fucking hurt</i>. </p><p>“Max, are you awake?” Seb asked, pushing Max’s door open and Max quickly screwed his eyes shut again, burying his face back in his pillow and trying to keep his breathing as even as possible to give his Dad the impression he was still asleep. </p><p>He wasn’t ready to face them yet. </p><p>“Max?” Seb whispered. Max kept his eyes shut as Dad walked over, sitting on the edge of Max’s bed for a moment and leaning down to kiss his forehead. “I love you, kiddo.”</p><p>“Go ‘way,” Max grumbled, pushing his head out of Seb’s hold and pulling the blanket higher. </p><p>“Isä’s getting Valtteri from the train station, they’re bringing lunch home, what do you want?”</p><p>Lunch?</p><p>“What time is it?” Max asked instead. </p><p>“It’s midday, baby.”</p><p>Shit Max had slept a long time. </p><p>Or a very short amount of time actually. </p><p>He’d not been able to fall asleep until the early hours of the morning, sitting by his window for hours and leaning into the glass. </p><p>Normally he’d go and bug Charles, sit with his brother and play video games or something, but then he’d have to explain why he was sad and why he didn’t want to talk to Daniel and it’s not really the kind of conversation Max wanted to have at 4am. </p><p>Forever alone, it was always better when he was alone. </p><p>At least then people couldn’t hurt him. </p><p>“I’m not hungry, Dad.”</p><p>“I know you’ve just woken up, but you missed breakfast and I won’t let you miss lunch too. Your brother is choosing-”</p><p>“I don’t want to eat! I’ll get a late lunch!”</p><p>“You always say that and then you don’t,” Seb pointed out and Max rolled his eyes before rolling himself over so that he could face the window and was away from looking at his Dad. </p><p>“Just get me whatever,” Max whispered, taking a deep breath and pulling the blanket up over his head, a silent indicator that he wanted his Dad to leave. </p><p>Dad sighed and brushed a kiss across Max’s crown before pushing himself up and walking out of Max’s bedroom. Clearly he must’ve been able to tell Max wasn’t in the mood. </p><p>He’d changed his bedsheets before he’d gone to bed last night. The last bits of Daniel thrown into the wash basket so that he could get rid of his scent before he’d gone through all of his drawers and wardrobe, shelves on his bookcase, drawers in his desk, trawling through his entire <i>world</i> to find any indication of the boy that had been his world. Any t-shirts, jumpers, general items of clothing that Max had either stolen or had just gotten left here that belonged to Daniel were thrown into the wash basket too and Max planned on washing them all before he returned them to Daniel. </p><p>Max hadn’t realised just how much of his life Daniel had infiltrated. </p><p>He was <i>everywhere</i>. </p><p>He couldn’t even put on a playlist on Spotify without seeing all the ones that Daniel had made and Max had saved to his phone because he couldn’t be bothered to keep synching Daniel’s phone to the car when they were driving. </p><p>All of those stupid playlist titles that Daniel made just because they made Max laugh or roll his eyes. </p><p>
  <i>The playlist for when you’re railing your boyfriend but his family are five meters away and you don’t want them to hear</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Scenario: Your Parents just announced they’re getting divorced and you’re SHOOKETH</i>
</p><p>
  <i>yeet a twin vibes</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Songs that remind me of you💙</i>
</p><p>Max had cried a lot when he’d looked at that last playlist the night before. </p><p>Daniel had starting making it not long after they’d gotten together, adding stupid songs over their year together that either Max had listened to with him and Max said he liked or songs that declared love in such a way that Max knew Daniel was trying to tell him just how important he was to Daniel without having to verbally announce it. </p><p>Max would do anything to hear Daniel say “<i>I love you</i>” one last time. </p><p>Closing his eyes must’ve caused Max to drift back to sleep, his thoughts getting tangled to the point that all he could see in his dreams was darkness, with Daniel’s voice echoing fitfully in a corner that Max could never reach. Would never reach again. </p><p>Charles banged on Max’s door, announcing loudly that lunch was here and Max rolled out of bed. He still had some sweatpants on that he’d worn all last night and grabbed an old jumper that actually belonged to himself for once before leaving his room. </p><p>He left his phone behind on the bedside table. </p><p>He’d turned it off last night. </p><p>Daniel had text him once, just before 7pm, and Max had quickly changed Daniel’s contact name to <b>Delete The Message Without Looking</b> as a silent reminder to himself. </p><p>The only thing he’d said was <i>Max I’m so sorry</i>.</p><p>He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. </p><p>Of course Daniel apologising was a good thing, but at least if he’d have sent Max a massive paragraph or something that would’ve shown that he cared, right? </p><p>Pulling the hood up on his jumper, Max kept his head down as he sat down in the living room, grabbing the container of noodles that was nudged towards him and folding his legs up underneath him. He could feel the pull of someone staring at him, watching as Max uselessly pushed around his noodles. </p><p>“You good?” Charles asked, sitting down beside him and nudging Max’s thigh with his foot. Max nodded, not saying a word and focused on chewing the one mouthful of noodles that he could manage. </p><p>“Hey, Max,” Valtteri said and nudged Max’s shoulder as he walked past. Max couldn’t even acknowledge Valtteri. </p><p>
  <i>It’s why Valtteri told me to not tell you, he said he knew best</i>
</p><p>Daniel’s words echoed around his head and Max closed his eyes, biting at the inside of his mouth to try and force himself to stop crying. </p><p>“Oma, Opa, and Uncle Fabian are coming over on the 20th, and Ukki and Mummo are coming on the 22nd,” Seb told them as they quietly ate lunch, pulling Max out of focusing on Daniel’s words, “so when do you want to see Daniel, Max? And is he still coming on the 23rd still?”</p><p>Right, Christmas with the family.</p><p>Max had forgotten about that. </p><p>He’d forgotten that Christmas was only a couple of weeks away and his extended family was coming over to see them this year rather than them going to Germany and Finland. </p><p>“Um, no, he’s not coming,” Max answered quietly, pushing his noodles around. </p><p>“Well when are you going to see him?” Seb tried, “You know your grandparents want to see him again.”</p><p>“I’m not going to, Dad.”</p><p>“When are you going to exchange your gifts, you’re going to be too busy on the 24th and 25th?”</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Max sighed, “I’m not seeing him, Dad. Not now, not ever over Christmas.”</p><p>“Have you had an argument? I’m sure it’ll be fine by Christmas.”</p><p>Hiccupping out a sob/laugh, Max shook his head. “It won’t be.”</p><p>“Why?” </p><p>Max finally looked up, tears spilling from his bloodshot eyes as he looked Valtteri dead in the eye, ignoring his Dad who immediately asked him what was wrong upon realising that Max was in tears.</p><p>“You finally got what you wanted,” Max grinned through teary eyes, “He’s gone. Are you happy?”</p><p>“What the hell are you on about?” Valtteri frowned, dropping his fork as he stared at Max.</p><p>“I’m talking about what you’ve been hiding from me for the last four years about my boyfriend. The boyfriend I just broke up with yesterday because you knew what he was going to do when I was thirteen. Are you fucking happy, Valtteri? Are you happy? He’s finally gone. That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”</p><p>Max watched as Valtteri’s face dropped, confusion getting mixed with sadness before mild anger started to overtake. </p><p>“Of course I’m not happy! I know how much he means to you! He may be a fucking asshole but I know how much you love him!”</p><p>“So why didn’t you tell me what he was going to do?!”</p><p>“Because I didn’t know what you’d do! Fucking hell, Max, a year after that you tried to kill yourself, what do you expect me to fucking do?!”</p><p>“Tell me the goddamn truth when I ask you why you hated my boyfriend!” Max screamed. Charles was holding him back, arm across Max’s chest to hold him in place as tears fell rapidly, clearly realising Max was about to punch Valtteri’s lights out. </p><p>“What happened, Max? What’s happened, baby?” Seb asked, crouching down in front of Max, placing the noodles on the coffee table and putting his hand on Max’s leg, rubbing his kneecap to try and calm him down. </p><p>Not that it worked. </p><p>Everything was falling apart and the only thing that Max could feel was the intense glare of his twin brother. </p><p>He already knew what would be going through Charles’ mind. </p><p>Pure fucking murder. </p><p>He was going to commit a double murder and Max didn’t think he was going to stop him. </p><p>“I broke up with Daniel,” Max finally admitted. God saying the words out loud <i>hurt</i>, “We broke up last night. That’s why he’s gone and he’s not coming back, Dad. I broke up with him.”</p><p>“Max, baby, why?”</p><p>“Because Valtteri knew that Daniel was gonna try it on with me and embarrass me in front of the entire school and told Daniel to never tell me. He literally made Daniel hide it from me. All this time he’s known,” Max stared at Valtteri as he talked monotonously, ignoring the tears falling, “Valtteri knew that the reason why Daniel’s friends loved making fun of me was because they thought it was funny that I had a crush on him when I was younger. And they wanted to make Dan kiss me and then embarrass me and have everyone know that I was gay before I was ready. It’s his fault.”</p><p>“It was Daniel that was going to do it,” Valtteri pointed out but Max didn’t care. </p><p>“And you hid it from me. You told him to not tell me.”</p><p>“Sorry for a giving a shit about your mental health and knowing that you would’ve crashed and burned if I’d let him do that to you, Max. Sorry for trying to be a good big brother.”</p><p>“Why did you tell him to not tell me? If he’d have told me, I could’ve dealt with it.”</p><p>“What? You mean like how you dealt with thinking Daniel was cheating on you with Charles? And you had a breakdown and wouldn’t talk to anyone? Just like you did that? Max, you can’t deal with this shit and we all know that and that’s why I told him to not tell you. Because I knew, I <i>knew</i>, that you wouldn’t come out of this okay.”</p><p>“But you still should’ve let me make that decision! I shouldn’t have to find out by some random fucking person somehow getting my number and sending me a fucking text telling me! I should’ve been given the choice and I should’ve been told!” Max yelled and Valtteri sunk back in his seat. </p><p>“He’s right,” Seb sighed, pushing himself up and sitting on the arm of the sofa to pull Max into him. Max buried his face in his Dad’s knees, crying softly as Seb rocked him and pressed kisses to his head. “Charles sit the fuck down now. You are not going anywhere.”</p><p>“I’m going to fucking kill them,” Charles said coldly. Blindly, Max reached behind him for Charles, tying their fingers together. He knew he was the only thing that could keep Charles here. If Charles knew Max needed him, he wouldn’t leave his side. </p><p>He’d always hated leaving Max’s side and it was only because Max had forcefully pushed him and made him run when they were tiny that Charles had been able to escape the clutches of the horror their young selves had experienced before Dad had saved them. </p><p>“You’re not. You’re not doing a single thing,” Seb told Charles, but Max didn’t care, </p><p>“I knew this would happen but it still hurts,” Max whimpered. “I always knew we’d break up, that I’m not enough for him, but I didn’t think-”</p><p>“Shh,” Dad shushed, bending down and kissing Max’s hair again, “I know, baby, I know. Break ups <i>suck</i>, and right now it feels like the end of the world, but you’re going to be alright one day. I promise you. Right now it feels like the world is ending and-”</p><p>“I feel like I can’t breathe properly without him,” Max admitted. </p><p>“I know, trust me, Maxy, I know. And no one is going to force you to be okay, you can cry and eat a tonne of ice cream and watch dumb movies and sob your little heart out if that’s what you need, but what I need to you to do is promise me that if things start getting bad, if your mind starts being evil again, you come right to us, okay? You come to us and we’ll look after you. You’re my baby and I’m going to take care of you.”</p><p>Max nodded sadly. </p><p>“And you,” Seb said and Max didn’t need to look up to know that Dad was looking at Valtteri, “That is not your decision to make. This is not your relationship. And you should’ve told one of us and let me or your Isä deal with it. You were fourteen, Valtteri. I don’t care if you think that you were doing the right thing or not. When it comes to something like this, you tell someone that can actually deal with it. And to lie to Max for the last year? How can you think that’s okay? When we’ve asked you numerous times if there was any reason to not trust Daniel and you told us no? How is lying a good thing, Valtteri? How can you in good faith look your little brother in the eye every single day and know that you were keeping and forcing the boy that Max loved such a big secret from him?”</p><p>“I was just looking out for him, Dad.”</p><p>“I hate you,” Max whispered, cutting Dad off from replying. “I hate you so much right now.”</p><p>“Max, I’m just-”</p><p>Pulling his head up, Max turned to look at Valtteri. His eyes were blurry and his head was pounding from all the crying, but it was nothing compared to the way that he felt like ripped limb from limb. </p><p>“I wished you’d stayed in Bristol. I hate you. I wished you’d never come back.”</p><p>“Max, come on, no, I know you’re mad but-”</p><p>Max shook his head, cutting his Dad off, “No. I’m not mad. I’m fucking destroyed, Dad. And it’s his fault and Daniel’s. But he lied to me. He blatantly lied to me. Daniel just didn’t tell me. He never lied.”</p><p>Because Max knew that distinction was important. </p><p>He knew that Daniel was destroyed about what he’d done to Max and was regretful and remorseful. And Max did miss him a lot already. </p><p>But he couldn’t get it out of his head that Daniel had lied to him. That Daniel had betrayed him. </p><p>“I’m going to my room,” Max whispered, picking up his noodle box and walking off. Footsteps echoed his, his Isä’s cold and raspy voice echoing downstairs, muttering something about how much he wanted to kill Daniel, but Max didn’t care. </p><p>What he cared about was that when he went to close his bedroom door, a foot slammed in the way and Charles pushed himself in before Max could lock him out. </p><p>“Yeah you’re stupid if you think I’m letting you be by yourself after that,” Charles smiled sadly, “Are you alright?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Max admitted honestly, biting at his lip as he sat himself down on the floor at the foot of his bed. Charles sat beside him, and Max dropped his head to rest against the warm shoulder of his twin brother. “I just feel…”</p><p>“Empty,” Charles whispered and Max nodded. </p><p>“Like I’m not even mad. I’m not. I’m just really sad. And I’m angry but I’m not mad and I don’t know how to explain that.”</p><p>“You’re not going to do anything, right? Like I don’t have to worry about you, do I?”</p><p>“I thought about it, last night,” Max murmured and he felt Charles go tense underneath, “when everything was running through my head and I couldn’t make sense of it. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to die or anything, I’m not gonna kill myself or cut myself because I’m sad about Daniel. I’m not, Charles, I promise. I’m just really sad and I just want the sadness to go away. I want Daniel.”</p><p>“Then take him back.”</p><p>“I can’t, I can’t. Not at the minute anyway. I do love him, Charles, I can’t just switch that off because he upset me.”</p><p>Charles brought his arm up to wrap around Max’s neck, pulling him in tighter and brushing a kiss over his hair. </p><p>“I know. And right now it’s going to feel like the world is ending. And you’re going to be in pain for a while. And you’re still going to love him for a while. It’s been a <i>year</i>, Max. You and him, you went through everything together. You are meant to be together even if right now all you want to do is knock his fucking lights out.”</p><p>“I really hate him at the minute.”</p><p>“That’s okay,” Charles nodded. “You don’t have to like him even if you love him.”</p><p>Max sighed and buried his face in Charles’ jumper, clutching onto his brother like he was the only thing keeping Max afloat. </p><p>To be fair, he probably was. </p><p>Daniel really had been there through everything. He still didn’t know about Max’s early childhood, but he knew everything else. He knew about Charles breaking his leg when he was a kid and how scared Max had been, he knew about Max’s anxiety and his panic attacks, he knew about Max attempting to end his life and being stuck in a hospital and under his parents supervision for a month, he knew about Charles’ stupid hero complex and had held Max as he’d sobbed through what his brother had done to protect Max. </p><p>And yet, now his anchor was gone. </p><p>The one thing that kept Max stuck to the ground was gone. </p><p>“What have you done with your phone?” Charles asked, and Max aimlessly pointed over his shoulder. </p><p>“It’s in the drawer. I turned it off. He text me last night saying sorry but I couldn’t answer it. I deleted it, Charles.”</p><p>“I don’t blame you,” Charles whispered, kissing Max’s hair. “Do you want distracting?”</p><p>Max nodded with closed eyes, curling his arms around Charles’ waist and hugging him close. </p><p>“Do you want me to call George and that and ask if they want to play PlayStation, or do you want it to just be us?”</p><p>“Just us,” Max murmured, “I don’t want to talk to the others right now.”</p><p>“That’s okay,” Charles agreed and pulled himself out of Max’s grip to grab the two white PlayStation controllers. </p><p>Their Dads had bought them both a PS5 each as a late birthday present, and Max couldn’t help but let his mind drift back to when Daniel had come over and he’d sat on Daniel’s lap, Daniel’s arms around his waist and his hands on the controller as Max put his hands over Daniel’s, guiding him on how to win a match of FIFA. It had quickly devolved into Max grinding into Daniel and sex had quickly ensued, like it always seemed to with them, and Max had to screw his eyes shut as the text messages that had started this whole palaver ran before his eyes. </p><p>Yes Daniel had said he’d wait for Max to be ready for sex, but Max was easy, wasn’t he? </p><p>All Daniel had to do was smirk at him and Max was ready to drop to his knees for him.</p><p>“Stop thinking about him,” Charles nudged, “I know it’s hard and every single little thing is going to remind you of him at the minute, but focus on me, yeah? And if you don’t start giving me your 100% attention because you know I’m an attention whore, I will start singing something from <i>Grease</i> again, don’t think I won’t.”</p><p>“I know you will,” Max smiled. He dropped his head onto Charles’ shoulder as the title screen started up for <i>Call of Duty: Cold War</i> started up. </p><p>“Is this historically accurate?” Charles asked as they started running through the snow of whatever country they were in. He knew the Cold War was something Max had studied during his extra history A-Level, and Max looked at him incredulously. </p><p>“No it’s not historically fucking accurate you dunce, there was no zombies in the cold war.”</p><p>“On <i>record</i>, there wasn’t. But maybe the Soviet forces actually did employ zombies.”</p><p>“Oh Jesus fucking Christ,” Max sighed and immediately launched into a spiel on why zombies weren’t something that were present in the cold war, or <i>any war</i> for that matter and why zombies weren’t and probably never will be real.</p><p>He never realised that Charles was distracting him. </p><p>~</p><p>Charles’ fingers were aching from playing video games with Max for the last nine hours. He wasn’t complaining and he was mainly glad that he’d managed to put a smile back on Max’s face for a bit, and he had to admit it was a lot of fun playing with him. </p><p>He’d just have enjoyed it more if he wasn’t having to contemplate a murder for a while. </p><p>Max had gone to the bathroom at one point and Charles had taken the opportunity to send out a group text. He had to make a new chat quickly so that Max didn’t see, and he knew that Max didn’t want the others knowing, but Charles also knew that if someone said Daniel’s name at school tomorrow, Max was going to break down.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header"> Temporary Chat </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Today</b> 18:09 </span><br/>
<span class="breply">hey, just want to ask that no one asks max about dan atm. theyve broken up and max is really fucking upset and he doesn’t want u lot knowing but hes been crying a lot about it so can u just like,,,,, strategically avoid mentioning dans name in front of max pls and thank u </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">Charlotte</span><br/>
<span class="text"> Of course babe. Give him a hug from me x </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">George</span><br/>
<span class="text"> Are we allowed to kill Daniel? Or was it a mutual thing? </span><br/>
<span class="breply"> no u can, murdering daniel is the right course of action. i was gonna kill him but I’ve been looking after max all day instead </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">Lando</span><br/>
<span class="text"> 😔😔😔😔</span><br/>
<span class="text"> I’m so sorry man </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">Pierre</span><br/>
<span class="text"> Are you ok? X </span><br/>
<span class="breply"> im gonna commit murder bc of what dan &amp; val did (tl;dr: val knew dan was gonna do smth to max and hide it from him for 4 yrs) and im really sad for max but im good </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">Charlotte</span><br/>
<span class="text"> Babe I’ll join you. Cate and Dilara have the shovles ready to bury his body </span><br/>
<span class="grouptext">Alex</span><br/>
<span class="text"> You know where we are if you need anything </span><br/>
</p>
</div><p>Max ended up falling asleep in Charles’ arms that night, tears falling during his sleep as he clutched onto Charles’ shirt. </p><p>He’d still refused to talk to Valtteri even when he’d come to try and clear things up. Max had simply walked out of the room and refused to come back until Valtteri left again. </p><p>It had taken Charles longer to fall asleep than Max, scrolling on Instagram for a while to try and distract his brain from thinking of all the ways he was going to kill Daniel. When Max whimpered and cried in his sleep, Charles had felt his heart break for him. </p><p>Of course he’d ended up on Daniel’s Instagram, and Charles scrolled endlessly as he looked at all of the pictures Daniel had posted of him and Max. </p><p>He knew Daniel loved his brother. You couldn’t fake what they had. It was impossible. </p><p>And he completely understood how Max felt. </p><p>But jeez… Charles really still couldn’t process that this had happened. </p><p>Daniel and Max, they were meant to be forever. They were Charles’ relationship goals. They were disgusting and horrific and they had sex way too often, but they were also funny, and cute, and adorable, and the way that Daniel looked at Max when Max wasn’t paying attention, it was everything that Charles knew that he wanted from his own relationship. So much of his life he’d tried to avoid being compared to Max, and yet his relationship was the one area that he actively chose to look up to his big brother for guidance. </p><p>A relationship that was now burned, crashed under the weight of deceit and lies. </p><p>Charles quietly shushed Max as he cried, rocking him slowly and putting his phone down so that he could focus on Max. He was still asleep and he had no idea that Charles was there still, but Charles knew that he’d always have his brother’s back. </p><p>They were twins, it’s what they did. They protected each other. </p><p>He’d been just about to fall asleep himself when his phone vibrating underneath his elbow shot him awake and Charles read the text message, rolling his eyes and replying.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header"> Jamie🍻 </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Today</b> 00:33 </span><br/>
<span class="text"> Can you come get Dan he’s sobbing on the bar and idk why </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> No </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> Why</span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> Can you at least get Max to come then </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> No </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> W H Y </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> He broke Max’s heart </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> Stab home with a bottle for all I care </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> CHARLES </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> WHAT </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> HE DESERVES IT </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> Charles he’s really upset </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> So is my brother </span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>Fuck Daniel</p><p>Max was Charles’ only priority now. </p><p>~</p><p>“Are you sure you want to go to school today, Max?” Seb asked as Max started packing some lunch and his water bottle. </p><p>“Well I’m not fucking staying in this house if he’s still here,” Max muttered, glaring over his shoulder at Valtteri. </p><p>“Max, come on, we need to talk-”</p><p>“Nope,” Max cut Valtteri off, zipping his backpack up and walking off. </p><p>“I’ve got rehearsal tonight so I’m going to be late,” Charles told them as he crunched on his toast where he was sat on the counter. “So it’s only Max that needs picking up.”</p><p>“We know, Charles,” Seb sighed, scrubbing at his eyes. </p><p>The house had been very tense over the last twenty four hours and trying to get Max and Valtteri in the same room was like trying to convince Charles that zombies weren’t real. It happened for a moment and then would all fall apart again. </p><p>The last time things had been this bad had been when Max and Charles had had a massive fight. </p><p>Jesus fucking Christ they really did time this perfectly…</p><p>It had been exactly a year since Charles’ sexual assault and Max and Charles had fought at school and not spoken to each other for a month. </p><p>It had been bad enough <i>then</i> when Max had refused to acknowledge Charles’ existence and Charles had been left with a red jaw for a few days from where Max had punched him. </p><p>At least Max hadn’t punched Valtteri. </p><p>
  <i>Yet</i>
</p><p>“So <i>Max</i> is the <i>only one</i> who needs picking up,” Charles repeated, staring at Seb and Valtteri with an expression that said they should have figured out what he was trying to say. He sighed and rolled his eyes when they didn’t say anything, “As in, he’ll be in the car, on his own, in a confined space where he can’t leave. Almost like, you know, you can lock him in somewhere and force him to listen to someone talk.”</p><p>“Oh…” Seb realised.</p><p>“Fucking hell I thought I was the dumb one in the family but for once I’m the only one with fucking brain cells,” Charles sighed and pushed himself off the counter, shoving the last of his toast in his mouth and walking off. He did have to come back five seconds later when he’d realised he’d left his backpack on the counter. He may be smart, but he was still forgetful. </p><p>“You’re going to pick Max up from school today, alright?” Seb told Valtteri who nodded, “Take him for a milkshake or something, but you need to talk to him. I know right now he’s really mad with you and he won’t want to talk, but I’m not having you two not talking all through Christmas. It was bad enough with the twins last year.”</p><p>“I really didn’t want him to find out, Dad,” Valtteri sighed, “I didn’t hide it because I thought it was funny or whatever, I just knew what it would do to him if he found out.”</p><p>“And you still should’ve let him make that decision. You’ve got to understand, Val, that Max’s brain doesn’t work like ours. His anxiety and depression really mess with him. It took seventeen years to feel like he had friends that weren’t his brothers and the one boy that he thought wasn’t like the rest turned out to want to do the same thing. Max is a completely different person to anyone that you’ll ever deal with, and you have to think about that when you try and deal with him.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Because Valtteri did know.</p><p>Seb and Kimi had quizzed him to death last night on what had happened, trying to understand why Daniel and Max had broken up and why Valtteri had kept this from everyone. And when they’d found out that Lewis also knew, they’d simply shook their heads in exasperation. </p><p>Max was eternally the most complicated child that Seb had ever met, and yet he was incredibly easy to know what to do with. As long as you sat him down and gave him ample support, Max could process information and deal with it. And they knew that had Max been told about this, he could’ve found a way to understand it and make sense of it in his head. He still kept in touch with his old therapist for exactly this reason. </p><p>“He’s going to scream at you when you pick him up, but just take your time with him. He’s still your brother,” Seb sighed. </p><p>“I know he will. I promise I’ll be careful,” Valtteri promised. He had some university work to be doing over the Christmas break and planned on getting some done whilst his brothers and parents were out at school and work.</p><p>He hadn’t planned on trying to figure out how to get his little brother to talk to him. Max had always opened up about everything, and yet with this? No one knew how to approach him without Max erupting into a fit of devastation. </p><p>Honestly? All Valtteri was expecting to come out of this was Max punching him. </p><p>He probably deserved it to be honest. </p><p>He’d sworn to protect his little brother until the end of time and he hadn’t anticipated that he’d be part of the problem when it came to breaking Max’s heart. </p><p>Being a big brother fucking sucked. </p><p>~</p><p>Max had already anticipated that this would happen. </p><p>As soon as Charles had reminded him not subtly at all that he had play rehearsal after school and therefore would not be getting a lift home, Max knew that Valtteri would be the one collecting him from school. </p><p>Max couldn’t lie in saying he wasn’t tempted to walk straight past his brother’s car (well, it was his Dad’s car but details) and go and get a lift from George and his Dad (Toto was pretty hot after all), but he also knew that he had to deal with this shit sooner or later. </p><p>He’d held off on crying all day, and despite telling Charles to not tell the others, Charlotte putting her head on his shoulder and Lando quietly pulling him to one side to ask if he was okay was enough proof to tell Max that Charles had told them. </p><p>“Let’s get this fucking over with,” Max sighed as he threw his bag into the footwell and angrily dragged his seatbelt around him. </p><p>“You’ve got to listen to me before you kick off,” Valtteri warned him and Max rolled his eyes. </p><p>They silently drove for a while, and Max anxiously spun his phone between his fingers. Daniel had text him a few more times since Saturday and Max had been unable to follow his instruction of deleting the texts without reading them.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header"> Delete The Message Without Looking </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Saturday </b> 19:09 </span><br/>
<span class="text"> I know you don’t want to hear from me and believe me I know I shouldn’t be texting you. But I seriously am so fucking sorry. I know lying to you was wrong and I know I should’ve told you. Especially when you started telling me everything about when you were fifteen, I had this moment where I wanted to tell you. I know I hurt you Max and I’m not asking for forgiveness. I just want you to know that I’ve thought about telling you so many times because the guilt has been eating me up but I was scared and I know it’s stupid and I made things worse but I should’ve told you. I am so so so fucking sorry </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Saturday </b> 23:46 </span><br/>
<span class="text"> I hope you sleep okay. I’m so sorry, I can’t stop thinking about it, I just can’t. I’m so mad with myself and I should’ve told you. I know I should’ve told you.  </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Today </b> 00:46 </span><br/>
<span class="text"> I  m sorry ma x I love you. So uch pleaseae just tekekk me yuores okay bauvse imi drunk an d scRED  </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Today </b> 15:05 </span><br/>
<span class="text"> Mum yelled at me. I’ve never seen her so mad with me. I feel so shit, Max. I’m so sorry. I’m also sorry for ^^ that text. I was really drunk last night and I’m not going to keep texting you. I know I need to let you move on. But I just had to send one last text to tell you I love you and I’m sorry </span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>He’d cried when Daniel had told him he loved him.</p><p>He’d been so close to texting him back, to tell him that he loved him too but Max knew he couldn’t. </p><p>Part of him still wanted Daniel back, to have a big conversation about everything and get it all out in the open and have this whole ‘no secrets between them’ kinda thing going. </p><p>The other part of him said that he needed to take his time, to give himself chance to figure out what he wanted before him and Daniel moved forward with whatever their relationship was. </p><p>One thing Max did know, however, was that if he and Daniel decided that they weren’t going to get back together, he couldn’t remain friends with him. If his heart ached this much having simply broken up with him, he couldn’t imagine how much his heart would hurt spending time with Daniel and not being able to cuddle into him or hold his hand or steal the older boy’s jacket when Max was a tiny bit cold. </p><p>“Do you understand why I told Daniel not to tell you?” Valtteri asked as the pulled up in a car park of a local coffee shop. Valtteri had gone in to get them a drink each and Max was currently staring at his coffee cup. </p><p>“I guess. Doesn’t mean I agree with it.”</p><p>“You were thirteen, Max, you have to understand that I knew what this would do to you.”</p><p>“But I’m eighteen now, and I was seventeen when I got with Dan. I’m in a different place now.”</p><p>“Not last year you weren’t. You were still having panic attacks three, four times a week when you got with Daniel, and then by the time you were in a better mental place, everything happened with Charles. I know we should’ve told you, and I know we should’ve given you the option, but all I can think about is you crying because you thought Daniel was cheating on you. The shit that nearly happened, we were young. And I shouldn’t hold the grudge against Daniel but you’re my little brother and I just want to protect you.”</p><p>Biting at the inside of his lip, Max could feel the rips in his mouth from where he’d been attacking his mouth. Tears were building up again and he desperately didn’t want to cry. </p><p>“Max, believe me, I know I should’ve told you, so does Daniel-”</p><p>“Have you spoken to him?” Max quietly interrupted, taking a sip of his drink and wincing when the hot liquid attacked his cuts. </p><p>“Do you really want me to tell you that?” Valtteri countered and Max nodded. “Yeah I have. I spoke to him yesterday after you and Charles went upstairs. He’s fucking destroyed, Max.”</p><p>“Yeah, same,” Max whimpered, screwing his eyes shut and putting his cup down when his hands started shaking. “I’m just so angry at both of you.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“It should’ve been my decision!”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“I know you were worried but I’m a fucking grown up! You should’ve told Dad and let me work through it and not have some random fucking bastard text me it!” Max yelled, slamming his fist into the door before folding his arms over the dash and sobbing into them. Valtteri pushed forward and wrapped himself around Max’s back, hugging his brother and running his fingers over Max’s hair as he sobbed. </p><p>“Do you know who text you?” he asked and Max shook his head. </p><p>“I don’t want to know. I don’t care. What I care about is being lied to.”</p><p>Max sobbed for a while longer, Valtteri rubbing his back and keeping Max’s hands away from tugging at his hair when they strayed upwards. </p><p>“I’m really sorry, Max. I really am. I can’t apologise enough, honestly. I thought I was doing the right thing and I thought keeping this from you was for the best. It’s stupid. It never happened and yeah we were old enough to know better, but Daniel isn’t that boy anymore and I realise that now. He <i>adores</i> you, he thinks you are the best person in the world and he never started dating you so that he could tell people what you and him got up to. No one knows, Max. He didn’t even tell me. Whatever you two do, it’s private. He doesn’t talk to people, Max, you have to believe that. All he does is talk about how much he loves you.”</p><p>Max nodded and pulled back, dropping into his seat and pulling up the hem of his jumper to scrub at his eyes. </p><p>“Seriously, Max, I didn’t hide this because I wanted to hurt you. We seriously never thought you’d find out. Everything’s different now, I don’t know why this person wanted to hurt you but believe me if I find out who it was I’m going to kill them myself.”</p><p>“I know, I just-” Max let out a sob and shrugged uselessly, “-I wished I’d never opened the text, I hate knowing it. I still wished I knew but I wish it was on my terms. I hate that you both lied to me and I hate you think I can’t deal with shit. Yeah I would’ve been sad but I have coping mechanisms. Yeah, I might cry and scream and be upset, but I need that in order to make sense of shit.”</p><p>“I know you do, but you’re still my little brother and I want to protect you from all the bad things in the world,” Valtteri reminded him and tugged Max over, drawing him into a proper hug and kissing his temple. “What do you want me to do, Max? Do you want to talk to Daniel?”</p><p>“No,” Max shortly answered, “I want to go home. I want to be on my own for a bit. I know you’re sorry but I need some time to make sense of shit.”</p><p>“Okay, if that’s what you want.”</p><p>Valtteri silently drove them home and Max immediately ran off to his bedroom when he got in. </p><p>“Did he talk to you at all?” Kimi asked, face still scarily blank as he stared at Valtteri.</p><p>“Kind of. We got it all out in the open. He’s still really upset but he wants some time to himself.”</p><p>“You really fucked up this time,” Kimi told him and Valtteri simply nodded. </p><p>“I know, Dad. I know.”</p><p>God this was such a fucking mess…</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>am I a soft soul for Charles being a good brother and cuddling max? maybe</p><p>Kudos, comments &amp; feedback always greatly appreciated💙</p><p>Tumblr is at <a href="https://3303andmore.tumblr.com">3303andmore</a> xxx</p><p> </p><p>  <b>Fic Requests are currently closed xx </b></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this was meant to come out yesterday but then shit happened and so it's late, my apologies. </p>
<p>hope u enjoy x</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Max pulled his hoodie up around his ears as he sank into the chair on the front row.</p>
<p>It had been four days since he’d broken up with Daniel and realistically all he wanted to do right now was curl up in his blanket in bed and not talk to people.</p>
<p>He’d still not really talked much and he hadn’t slept all of last night, instead and spent hours sitting at his desk flicking through pictures on his laptop of him and Dan. </p>
<p>A single solitary tear had worked its way down Max’s cheek when he’d gotten to the pictures from his anniversary weekend away with Daniel. </p>
<p>He’d cried silently and stared at one single photo for probably twenty minutes, no exaggeration.</p>
<p>He could still remember the photo being taken like it was only hours ago, not two months. </p>
<p>They’d been in bed, the Friday they’d gotten to the hotel, and they’d been watching a game show on the TV. Max had been curled up against Daniel’s side, his hand over his heart and his head on Daniel’s shoulder, and Daniel had been laughing at Max protesting that an answer was wrong and been furiously googling it to try and prove that the answer was wrong. They’d been laughing a lot, and Daniel had taken a photo just as he kissed Max’s cheek. In the picture, they were both grinning and in his ears, Max could still hear Daniel’s laughter.</p>
<p>Daniel’s laughter had been able to fix anything, and instead last night it had just caused him to cry silently. </p>
<p>It was stupid how all the little things that Daniel did were stuck in his head.</p>
<p>Daniel’s smile</p>
<p>Daniel’s laugh</p>
<p>The way Daniel would wrap his arm around Max’s neck and pull him in, kissing his temple and giggle</p>
<p>Daniel playing with his fingers</p>
<p>Daniel running his hand absentmindedly over Max’s leg</p>
<p>Daniel <i>looking</i> at Max when he was talking </p>
<p>Max had always hated it when he’d had to talk to people. He hated presentations. He didn’t often talk about his interests because he thought no one cared.</p>
<p>And then he’d gotten Daniel.</p>
<p>And Daniel cared.</p>
<p>It was so stupid but that’s what Max missed the most. </p>
<p>He missed having someone that would listen to him and get excited over stupid things like a psychology paper that details how accents have an impact on attraction. His family listened but they didn’t pay attention, not like Daniel did.</p>
<p>Text after text after text had been mentally composed by Max, staring endlessly at his phone and his text thread with Daniel. </p>
<p>He’d never sent anything but it didn’t mean he didn’t want to.</p>
<p>“Alright, mate?” George said as he sat down beside Max, nudging his shoulder. </p>
<p>They were at the school play performance and in roughly fifteen minutes, Max would be watching his brother launch himself across a stage with a leather jacket wrapped around him and the worst attitude he’d ever had but he’d be smiling and laughing and performing like he was born to. </p>
<p>At least one of them would be happy.</p>
<p>“I’m good, you?” Max nodded and George stared at him with his eyebrows raised, clearly not believing him. “I’m just sad about Dan, don’t worry.”</p>
<p>Yeah, Max had told them that he knew...</p>
<p>There was only so many sympathy cookies he could let Charlotte and George buy him and watch them fumble for excuses before he’d grown pity for them and told them all that he knew they knew. Charlotte had immediately sworn murder, George promised that his Dad would help get them off the charge (Max wasn’t too sure how considering George’s Dad was a business lawyer as opposed to a criminal lawyer), Alex has simply pat Max’s arm and Lando had been ready to go and smash Daniel’s face in with his beloved football. </p>
<p>Dad had explicitly banned Charles from contacting Daniel in any way after he’d heard Charles detailing an extremely graphic murder plot to Charlotte, Cate and Dilara on what they were going to do to Daniel. The threat had even worked and Charles had somewhat behaved himself for the last few days.</p>
<p>“Are you sure? You know you can talk to me if something’s up,” George nudged and Max shrugged helplessly. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I just miss him and I’m still sad. I’m alright though. Are you? You and Alex okay?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, we’re fine mate, don’t worry about us,” George smiled. “Anyway, I’ve got to go and check on Charles, so I thought I’d check on you before I go back. Do you want me to say anything to him?”</p>
<p>“Tell him that I’ve got a tomato ready for him. He’ll understand what I mean.”</p>
<p>George gives him a quizzical look but doesn’t question it. They’d all learnt to not question the twins and their strange behaviours.</p>
<p>“I’ll come find you in the break, yeah? My Dad wants to talk to your Dad anyway,” George told him, lifting his hand and Max bumped his fist against George’s. </p>
<p>“Yeah, see you later mate.”</p>
<p>Isä and Dad were quietly talking amongst themselves whilst Valtteri had vanished off to go and talk to his old chemistry teacher, leaving Max to wallow in his isolation again. </p>
<p>They were sat in the big auditorium of their school, the stage meters away with the red curtains pulled to. A giant ‘<i>Grease</i>’ logo was in front of them and Max was busy looking up at all the lights that were dancing slowly across the curtains when he felt someone beside him. </p>
<p>“This seat taken?”</p>
<p>Max’s head snapped up to Daniel awkwardly standing in front of the chair beside him. </p>
<p>He looked like <i>fucking shit</i>, Max realised. </p>
<p>“What are you doing here?” Max asked, taking a deep breath. </p>
<p>He’d not prepared himself for seeing Daniel and he really didn’t want to cry right now, but he was so close to bursting into tears or punching him. </p>
<p>“I promised Charles I’d be here,” Daniel smiled sadly, his voice cracking, “I’m sorry, Max.”</p>
<p>“Just sit down and shut up,” Max sighed. He brought his feet up to fold himself into the chair, looking away from Daniel. At least then Daniel wouldn’t be able to see his leg bounce anxiously. </p>
<p>Daniel’s aftershave was slowly overtaking Max’s senses. His scent was always that stupid cinnamon and fucking <i>bergamot</i>. Max didn’t even know what <i>bergamot</i> was, but he’d stolen Daniel’s aftershave once to read what was in it and now Max couldn’t breathe in a perfume store without being reminded of the boy that was once his.</p>
<p>Not that he’d been to a perfume shop in the four days him and Daniel had been broken up. But ya know. It’s the principle of the matter.</p>
<p>Daniel wasn’t known for being able to sit still, be quiet, or keep his hands to himself, and yet he did.</p>
<p>He didn’t move a muscle, back to being that nervous boy that didn’t know how to act around Max. </p>
<p>Dad had looked across sharply upon realising who was sat with a bowed head beside Max and immediately asked if Max wanted him to get Daniel moved, however Max had simply shook his head. </p>
<p>The only thing worse than having Daniel sat beside him would be having Daniel in the same building and far away from him. </p>
<p>Dad had glared for a fair while at Daniel, yet firmly kept his hand on Isä’s arm to stop him from ripping Daniel’s head from his shoulders. Even Valtteri had looked surprised to see Daniel sitting beside Max when he’d taken his seat on the opposite side of Isä. </p>
<p>“How have you been?” Daniel quietly asked after an incredibly awkward and prolonged silence between them and Max scoffed, swallowing down the tears. </p>
<p>“Fucking shit. How about you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah about the same,” Daniel nodded shortly. “I’m really sorry, Max.”</p>
<p>“What part of <i>shut up</i> do you not get? I don’t want to talk to you right now.”</p>
<p>“I know. But I just had to say it.”</p>
<p>Max rolled his eyes and shuffled in his chair, moving closer to Dad and putting his head down on his shoulder. He could feel Daniel’s eyes watching him. </p>
<p>Those dark and deep and beautiful eyes that Max <i>adored</i>. Windows to Daniel’s thoughts, his feelings, his cheekiness. It was all reflected through his eyes and Max honestly didn’t think he’d ever seen a set of eyes that were more intriguing. </p>
<p>Daniel’s eyes weren’t just brown. They were flecked with honey strokes of gold, tiny bits of green mixed in, the brown circled the outer part of his eyes and was rich and thick and <i>so dark</i> it was almost black, however mixed so beautifully with the gold that if someone asked Max what his favourite colour was, he’d just show them a picture of Daniel’s eyes. </p>
<p>It was a colour that Max had never experienced before and he didn’t understand how the universe had managed to work it into Daniel, but it was yet another part of him that Max loved. </p>
<p>Loved, or loves?</p>
<p>Max didn’t know anymore. </p>
<p>Daniel had his hands folded across his lap and Max couldn’t stop his eyes from straying to look at the rose climbing up Daniel’s hand towards his wrist. </p>
<p>Part of Max wanted to reach out and stroke it, to feel the thorns prick him and be soothed away by the gentleness of the petals. To stroke his finger over the highlights. To feel the memories again of sitting by Daniel’s side and Daniel putting his hand on Max’s cheek so he couldn’t see the needle repeatedly puncturing Daniel’s skin. </p>
<p>He didn’t even know why Max hated needles and yet he still took care of him so perfectly and carefully like he was meant to be Max’s greatest protector. </p>
<p>Max had never actually factored in that Daniel would also be his greatest heartbreak. </p>
<p>Curling up on his chair meant that Max was able to protect his heart from Daniel again, stopping himself from reaching in and grabbing it, handing it over to Daniel and begging him to help Max start feeling like he could breathe again. His heart felt like it stopped with every passing breath of Daniel by his side. </p>
<p>So close, yet so far away. </p>
<p>There was less than half a metre between them, however it felt like they were on different continents. </p>
<p>To be so close to the boy he loved and still be ripped away from him like they were nothing more than strangers in the street. People that once knew each other. People that will always remember the others birthday. People that know what you look like when you wake up. </p>
<p>People that didn’t know each other anymore. </p>
<p>Strangers who once had shared a heart. </p>
<p>Lights started dimming and Max couldn’t stop the smile from falling across his lips as he heard Charles’ voice started to boom through the auditorium. </p>
<p>
  <i> “Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls, and all you cool cats and kittens-”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“YOU’RE NOT CAROL BASKIN CHARLES!”</i>
</p>
<p><i>“YES I AM!”</i> Charles yelled back and the auditorium immediately fell into laughter, <i> “Anyways, as I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted, this is your leading boy speaking and as much as I know you want to record my beautiful face, I do so politely ask that you silence all devices because if you interrupt me mid-song I will throw your device across the hall.”</i></p>
<p>
  <i>“Charles!”</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>“THIS IS MY SHOW YOU CAN’T STOP ME!”</i>
</p>
<p>“He’ll never change, will he?” Daniel quietly murmured and Max couldn’t resist snapping back. </p>
<p>“At least I know what to expect from him. He doesn’t lie to me about shit that affects our relationship.”</p>
<p>“Max come on-”</p>
<p>Whatever Daniel was about to say was cut off by the curtain rising and Charles and his leading lady, some other random girl in their year, were stood centre stage. </p>
<p>“I don’t want to go, Danny,” the girl playing Sandy, Max thought her name might be Abbie, told Charles, and Charles simply cupped her jaw, bringing her face up to look at him. </p>
<p>“Don’t focus on the future,” Charles murmured up on the stage, “Just focus on how you feel in the here and now.”</p>
<p>Fleetingly, Max looked across to Daniel. </p>
<p>Daniel was looking up at the stage, a huge grin on his face even though there was still the brim of emotion building behind his eyes, he always looked proud of Charles. </p>
<p>
  <i>Focus on how you feel in the here and now</i>
</p>
<p>Max knew that he still felt so fucking deeply for Daniel, that he wanted Daniel by his side all day every day, but at the same time, the other part of him was scared. He’d already trusted Daniel with his heart once and he’d torn it to pieces. How could he trust him again?</p>
<p>A whole year had been built together and yes, they’d argued and fought over stuff, especially when it came to Charles and Max’s refusal to get involved with his brother at times, but they’d always come back together. They’d worked through everything. </p>
<p>His Oma always said that Daniel was Max’s shining prince, the one that was supposed to carry Max into the future and hold his hand until the end of time. </p>
<p>“Life doesn’t revolve around men,” one of the other girls on stage said and Max scoffed and screwed his eyes shut. </p>
<p>He really fucking wished that he didn’t have to deal with this shit. </p>
<p>The only thing is, Max had never cared about boys before Daniel. Probably because Daniel was the only boy he did care about, but even still. Everything was still always about school and proving that he was a good student and was capable of not completely crashing under the weight of everyone’s expectations. </p>
<p>Daniel had taught Max so much, had taught Max how to balance school and having fun and also just how to… <i>exist</i>. </p>
<p>He’d made Max feel special. </p>
<p>He’d made Max feel normal. </p>
<p>He’d made Max feel like he mattered in a world that he often felt like he didn’t. </p>
<p>He wasn’t attractive like Charles. </p>
<p>He wasn’t headstrong like Dad. </p>
<p>He wasn’t protective like Valtteri. </p>
<p>He wasn’t creative like Isä. </p>
<p>He was just Max. He was plain, boring, nerdy, <i>freaky</i> Max. </p>
<p>And yet Daniel made him feel like all of that was important. </p>
<p>He’d unlocked a side of Max that he’d never expected to exist, and even throughout all of that, Max remained that same boy that had first fallen in love with Daniel. He was just a bit more confident. </p>
<p>Max tried to pay attention to the show, to give his brother his undivided attention, and scream and shout and clap along, whistling and being the embarrassing brother that Max knew Charles needed him to be, there was just the slight issue of his brain was eternally compromised by thinking about Daniel. </p>
<p>Charles ran down through the crowds at one point, bonking Max on the head as he ran past, winking at his brother and barely concealing the desire to murder Daniel when he realised Daniel was sat next to his brother. </p>
<p>“Bastard,” Charles mouthed before carrying on, running through the crowds like he owned the place, spinning and singing along to <i>Greased Lightning</i> like he’d done this every day since the day he was born. </p>
<p>There was a certain sense of magic in the way that Charles enchanted the audience, pulling them all in and keeping them eating out of the palm his hand. It was a work of art and even though listening to Charles singing about girls and rough relationships wasn’t exactly what Max wanted to be doing at the present time, he knew that his brother was talented. </p>
<p>And given Max a lot to think about again. </p>
<p>Charles really was the most annoying person that Max would ever meet. </p>
<p>“Oi, Max!” George hissed, squatting down so that he wasn’t in the way as the show started to draw to its interval, “Charles wants you, come with me, I’ll take you backstage.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to find Charles,” Max quickly whispered to his Dad before sneaking out of his seat and following after George. </p>
<p>It was strange sneaking past Daniel and not having Daniel smack his ass as he went. </p>
<p>The last time him and Daniel had been sat in this auditorium together, Daniel had pulled Max up out of his seat and kissed him within an inch of his life, showing off to everyone that Max was Daniel’s boyfriend. </p>
<p>There’d always been people that stared at Max with Daniel, and as he followed after George, holding onto the other boy’s hand so that he didn’t get lost in the darkness, he couldn’t help but think about who it was that had sent the text. </p>
<p>He’d told Valtteri that he didn’t want to know. Told Charles that he didn’t want him to find out. Charles had almost everyone that went to their school’s phone number and Max knew that Charles could’ve found it easily, but Max had spent a lot of time by himself. He’d taught himself a lot of random things. </p>
<p>Including how to track private phone numbers. </p>
<p>He’d known for a while who it was that had told him. </p>
<p>“George?” Max whispered, “Just hold on a second.”</p>
<p>“What’s up?”</p>
<p>“I know who sent me the text and I need to tell someone but I don’t want you to tell Charles because I know what he’ll do.”</p>
<p>“How the fuck did you find out?!” George whisper-shouted. </p>
<p>“I got bullied before, and I didn’t tell my Dad but it used to happen over text and I was always scared something would happen so I had a record of who used to text me. And it’s an old number. I couldn’t sleep the other night and so I found out.”</p>
<p>“Shit Max… who was it?”</p>
<p>“You remember Jenson, right?” Max asked and George rolled his eyes. </p>
<p>“Yep, I remember him.”</p>
<p>“And there was that Jev that used to hang around with them, but when Dan argued with Jenson because of me, Jev took Dan’s side?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“It’s Jev. Jev used to be a bit weird with me, but I never really cared because Daniel loved me and he never did anything. But he used to make weird comments and then he got upset at one point because Dan used to…”</p>
<p>“Ditch his mates for you,” George realised, “So they stopped seeing Dan and they blame you.”</p>
<p>“I guess, I don’t know. I don’t want to tell Dan that I know because… it doesn’t matter who did it. It’s just, he still nearly did it, you know? And Jev like, I don’t know why he hates me enough to tell me this because we didn’t really interact all that much.”</p>
<p>“He had a thing for Dan. Back in year… year nine I think? I remember hearing about it. I was talking with Lewis about some business essay ‘cause I was really confused, shut up it was only homework,” George cut himself off when he saw Max’s shit-eating grin at George and Lewis talking, “Anyway, I was talking with Lewis and we was talking about you and Dan and he said that Jev got dared to kiss Dan and Dan asked for a counter-dare because he didn’t want to kiss Jev. And I think that must’ve been when the dare came up to kiss you. I think it’s just some weird resentment on his behalf.”</p>
<p>“I fucking hate boys, George,” Max sighed and curled into George, allowing George to put his arm around Max’s shoulders and hug him. </p>
<p>“Preach it bro, boys are the worst.”</p>
<p>“Max!” Charles shouted, and Max closed his eyes and took a breath for one last moment before turning to his brother. </p>
<p>“Hey dickhead, you was amazing out there,” Max smiled, “Are you looking forward to the second part?”</p>
<p>Charles was still wearing his T-Birds leather jacket, but the hair gel they’d used to comb his hair back into Danny’s signature style was starting to fall apart from all the sweat dripping down his face and from all his frantic running around. </p>
<p>“I can’t believe I have to do the fucking jive in fifteen minutes,” Charles lamented, dropping his head onto Max’s shoulder in much the same way Max just had with George. “Anyway, I wanted to ask, what the fuck is that bastard doing here?”</p>
<p>“He said he wanted to support you,” Max shrugged. “He promised you he’d come to see you perform. I know we’re mad with him but he still cares about you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t give a fuck if he cares about me or not, Max. He broke your fucking heart.”</p>
<p>“We knew it would happen,” Max reminded him and Charles brought his hand up to smack Max’s stomach. </p>
<p>“No, we didn’t. We all thought you and Dan were forever, don’t be a dickhead. The only thing we expected was for you to end up with a fucking ring on your finger, we didn’t expect to be plotting Daniel’s fucking funeral, Max.”</p>
<p>“Mr Räikkönen-Vettel I know you have no morals but need I remind you, you are on school property and if you don’t stop swearing, you will be placed in school detention for the rest of the term,” the drama teacher, Ms Darbus, reminded them. Max couldn’t see as Charles still had his head down on Max’s shoulder but Max knew he rolled his eyes. Charles was physically incapable of not rolling his eyes when someone told him off. </p>
<p>“You and Abbie are really good together,” Max interrupted, stopping Charles from backchatting by distracting him, “is she our year?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, we did Kinky Boots together in year 11 so we work well together.”</p>
<p>“I swear I’ve never seen her before.”</p>
<p>“She was friends with benefits with Charlotte last year,” Charles said by way of explanation and Max threw his hands up in exasperation. </p>
<p>“Is there anyone in this school you and Charlotte haven’t slept with?” Max asked and Charles simply looked over at George, wiggling his eyebrows at him. “Right, no, stop being a whore, go and get dressed for the show.”</p>
<p>Max turned Charles around and pushed him down the corridor, sending him back in the direction of where the changing rooms were. </p>
<p>“You’re really not going to tell anyone that you know who it was?” George said once they were alone again, the two of them walking back out so that Max could head back towards his family. </p>
<p>“I’ve been thinking about me and Dan a lot. And I’m still not ready to consider taking him back, but I don’t want to wallow in this. I only told you because you’re the one that is more likely to listen to me. Alex would just panic, Lando has no filter, Charles and Charlotte will commit murder. The worst you’ll do is tell your Dad.”</p>
<p>“Yeah I won’t tell anyone, not if you don’t want me to. Are you going to be alright though?”</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I text my therapist this morning and he said I can have an appointment this week so I’m going to go and sort shit out and decide from there. My grandparents are coming over next week too, so I don’t know, just going to try and distract myself for a bit.”</p>
<p>“If you ever need a break, you’re free to come over to mine, you know that,” George smiled. </p>
<p>“I know, thank you, George,” Max murmured. </p>
<p>Charles may have had a crush on Alex in another timeline, but Max knew that if his heart wasn’t still firmly in the clutches of some dumb Australian that tried too hard and yet made silly mistakes because he thought it was for the best, he’d probably have a crush on George. He was too nice <i>not</i> to have a crush on. </p>
<p>They’d just reached the opening that allowed Max to sneak back to his family, and just before he left, Max put his hands on George’s shoulders and leaned in, pressing a kiss to George’s cheek. </p>
<p>“Thank you for listening,” Max murmured, pulling back just enough that he could see George’s eyes. George winked playfully and pressed a matching kiss to Max’s cheek that caused a bright flush to creep up Max’s cheek. </p>
<p>“I’ll always listen to you, Maxy.”</p>
<p>Max rolled his eyes and spun back around, heading back towards his family. </p>
<p>What Max hadn’t expected, however, was that as he turned around, Daniel was closely watching him and George.</p>
<p>His eyes were fixed on the way George’s hand lingered on Max’s shoulder, and as Max slipped away and back into his chair, he allowed his fingers to brush over the point at which George had kissed his cheek. </p>
<p>Did he do that just to antagonise Daniel a little bit? Maybe</p>
<p>He was Charles’ brother after all, and Charles was the biggest shit-stirrer there was, and he’d probably be a little bit proud of Max for being able to annoy the boy that caused Max’s heart to fall apart. </p>
<p>“Was it him? Did he send you the texts?” Daniel asked sharply, looking between Max and across to the stage doors where George has vanished through again. “Did he? To get you away from me ‘cause he wants you?”</p>
<p>“What? No! He’s my <i>friend</i>, Daniel, he wouldn’t! He doesn’t have feelings for me!”</p>
<p>“So why did he kiss you?!”</p>
<p>“He pecked my fucking cheek!”</p>
<p>“And he never did that before!”</p>
<p>“Because you always smothered me at school! You never really saw me interact with George because you was always all over me and never let me breathe!”</p>
<p>“And yet you was the one that never let go of my hand!” Daniel argued back, “I love you, Max! Of course I wanted to be with you all the time!”</p>
<p>“There’s a difference between being with someone and smothering them,” he hissed. </p>
<p>“Why are you so defensive over him?! If he didn’t do anything-”</p>
<p>“He is dating <i>Alex</i>. He loves <i>Alex</i>. Why aren’t you kicking off that I kissed his cheek?! You’re only bothered that he kissed my cheek!”</p>
<p>“You kissed him...?” Daniel asked, his voice going quiet as a frown started to work its way between his brows.</p>
<p>“His fucking cheek, Daniel. Just like how you kiss Charles’ cheek. Just like how you kiss your football teammates. Just like how you kiss fucking everyone! Don’t you <i>dare</i> try and spin this on me and make me look like the bad guy when he is my <i>friend</i>. You had hundreds of friends in this stupid place, Daniel. It took me until year 12 to find fucking friends and I <i>refuse</i> to let you make me feel like shit for being friendly with <i>my friends</i> when it was your dickhead counterparts that caused us to fucking break up in the first place!” </p>
<p>“Max, Max, calm down baby,” Dad interrupted, putting his arm around Max and pulling him away. He pulled Max out of his chair and moved him to sit in Isä’s chair and immediately started brushing away tears that Max hadn’t even known were falling. </p>
<p>Isä, meanwhile, had grabbed hold of Daniel, yanking him up from his seat as Max curled into his Dad, sobbing against his white shirt as Dad shushed him and rocked him. Max didn’t watch as Isä dragged Daniel away, didn’t see the way that Isä slammed Daniel into a wall and held him there or the way that Valtteri tried to drag Isä away from Daniel before he got done for assault. </p>
<p>“I am so sorry, Maxy, I am so sorry,” Dad cooed, kissing his head as Max clutched onto him, fisting his shirt in his hands. </p>
<p>“Nothing happened with me and George, I promise!” Max cried, looking up at Seb with wide eyes. “Seriously. He was just looking out for me!”</p>
<p>“I know, sweetheart, I know. Everyone’s just got heightened emotions at the minute and you’re both hurting and you don’t want to yell at each other, you know that.”</p>
<p>“I hate arguing with him, Dad.”</p>
<p>“I know you do, you hate arguing with everyone, Max. That’s why I’m a lawyer and you’re not. I’ll argue with him for you.”</p>
<p>“You’ve always fought my battles,” Max said tearily, “Right from when we called you Mr Seb Spider-Man.”</p>
<p>His Dad’s eyes went soft as he cupped Max’s jaw, thumb brushing gently over his cheek, “I’m surprised you can remember that.”</p>
<p>Shrugging loosely, Max wiped at his eyes with the sleeves of his hoodie, pulling the hood back up around his ears. </p>
<p>“I remember a lot of things from when you first came to meet us.”</p>
<p>“You ever told Daniel?” Dad asked and Max shook his head. </p>
<p>“Kinda want to forget that stuff. Makes me glad that when shit like this happens, people don’t know stuff about me.”</p>
<p>Dad shifted his arm up so that he had his arm around Max’s neck, pulling him in again so that he could continue to wipe the tears from Max’s face. </p>
<p>In the arms of his Father, Max felt like that little boy all over again. </p>
<p>A boy who couldn’t trust, who was scared and full of knowledge but didn’t know how to tell anyone. A boy who desperately just wanted someone to love him and to hold his hand and tell him that when he has bad dreams at night, someone will always be there to protect him. </p>
<p>His Dad had always been that, always been the person that protected Max most and kept the nightmares at bay. The one who would sit up with Max during the early hours of the morning when all he wanted was to run away and pretend his world didn’t exist anymore. </p>
<p>He’d passed that mantle along to Daniel somewhere along the way. When Max could text the boy that had the same kind of responsibilities as Max at 2, 3, 4 o’clock in the morning and he’d turn up in Max’s bedroom within the hour, holding him close and distracting him. And when he couldn’t, Daniel was always there on the other end of the phone, telling him stupid stories and being the last one to hang up the phone when Max inevitably fell asleep to Daniel’s voice. </p>
<p>When Daniel had left, he’d taken not just the sun with him, throwing Max into eternal darkness, but he’d taken Max’s will to continue. </p>
<p>He wasn’t exactly sure what that was, because he really didn’t want to not be <i>alive</i> anymore. His promise to Charles that he wasn’t going to do anything was still standing strong. </p>
<p>He just didn’t necessarily want to <i>exist</i>. </p>
<p>It was so much easier sometimes to live behind the anonymity. To cruise by in life and not be left in the middle of the ocean, praying and hoping that your life source, the thing that you’re depending on to keep you going, will come back to you. </p>
<p>Daniel leaving his side had left Max with the startling realisation that he couldn’t live this life without Daniel in some capacity. </p>
<p>And he <i>hated</i> it. </p>
<p>The boy that had torn him apart and left Max sobbing and with razors in his throat so that every swallow felt like his breath was getting torn from him and throw to the hazardous wind. </p>
<p>The boy that Max loved so dearly and yet hated so dearly at the moment too. </p>
<p>He couldn’t just start again, he couldn’t forget Daniel existed and try to dampen the guilt to move on, to build a better life. </p>
<p>Max didn’t like open endings. He needed it sorted and he needed it fixed. </p>
<p>He needed to know where his future lied with Daniel and if they could possibly get through this. </p>
<p>Countless times throughout the first act of Charles’ performance, Max had clutched Daniel’s words to his chest like a parent holding their first born child, desperately holding on and begging to not let go. </p>
<p>That simple whispered phrase</p>
<p>
  <i> I still love you </i>
</p>
<p>It was easy to still love Daniel. </p>
<p>It wasn’t easy to forget the argument. </p>
<p>It wasn’t easy to forget that Daniel had yelled at him just as much as Max had yelled at him. </p>
<p>It wasn’t easy to forget that Daniel’s <i>friends</i> liked to make a mockery of Max. </p>
<p>And for what? </p>
<p>For being the boy that Daniel liked?</p>
<p>For being the boy that took their precious king’s attention from them?</p>
<p>For being the boy that the golden boy needed?</p>
<p>For being the boy that knew Daniel better than Daniel knew himself? To be disclosed secrets and dreams, wishes and hopes that Max would hold between his fingers like delicate pieces of thread, gently setting them into motion through love, support, and <i>trust</i>.</p>
<p>Trust that apparently Daniel no longer had in Max. </p>
<p>Trust that Max struggled to find in Daniel.</p>
<p>The lights started to dim again and Isä fell into the seat that had been Valtteri’s originally whilst Valtteri took Max’s old seat. Tears were still falling steadily as Max stayed wrapped in his Dad’s arm and Isä carefully pat his arm, the show starting up again. </p>
<p>“No one is as good as me,” Charles grinned as he sauntered back onto the stage, eyes easily finding Max in the audience again and winking at him. </p>
<p>He must’ve noticed Daniel had vanished as Max saw the minute frown on Charles’ face as he flicked his black blazer around and showed off the hot pink shirt he’d been put in. Pierre was lurking around at the bottom of the stage, one of the students that was working on taking photographs of the performance, and Charles was quick to focus his attention back on being <i>Danny</i> so that Pierre could get the best pictures possible. </p>
<p>
  <i>No one is as good as me</i>
</p>
<p>Max knew that it was Charles talking as his character, but the words seemed to nestle within his mind. </p>
<p>He really wasn’t like anyone else on this planet. And no one was as good as him. </p>
<p>With his Dads focusing their attention back on Charles, Max sneaked his phone out of his pocket. He’d already turned the brightness all the way down and he folded his legs up into him again, keeping his phone buried between his knees so that no one but himself could read what he was about to do.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header"> Private </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Today</b> 19:38 </span> <br/>
<span class="breply"> What’s it like being second fiddle to the boy that you hate? Must suck being you </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> What? </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> Daniel chose me. He loves me. And you are a fucking asshole and if I ever see you around forests again, I will tell everyone who you are. </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> Get fucked you little bastard you don’t know who I am </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> Don’t I, Jev? </span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>Max didn’t get another reply and so he slipped his phone into his hoodie pouch and instead of trying to fixate on it, he looked back up at his brother. </p>
<p>Charles looked happy, and Max may not really understand that at the moment, but there had to be something that was said about the infectiousness of a twin. </p>
<p>Charles always had a way with words, the creative one out of the two of them, and he’d always said that him and Max were two halves of the same soul, people entwined within a world that no one but them would ever really understand. They were the only people that had been through what they had together and came out of it in a world that they were loved and protected. </p>
<p>A world in which Max was taught by not just his brothers and fathers, but the most amazing boy in the world. </p>
<p>A boy that Max really wanted to kill, but Max also knew he owed a lot to. </p>
<p>Even if he and Daniel didn’t get back together, Max wouldn’t ever forget the memories. </p>
<p>Daniel may be the sunshine and had taken it with him when he’d torn Max’s heart from his chest, but every day the sun would rise again and Max knew that he’d have to continue in this world, with or without Daniel by his side. </p>
<p>He’d always have Charles, anyway. </p>
<p>The performance dragged to a close and Max was bouncing up onto the seat, cheering loudly for his brother, no matter how often Charles made hand motions that furiously told Max to shut up and stop embarrassing him. He couldn’t. It was the law to embarrass his brother. </p>
<p>And anyway, when he focused on Charles, he didn’t focus on what was going through his mind. </p>
<p>The single bit of knowledge that he had to try and deal with now. </p>
<p>The knowledge that he had to try and move on even if it felt like he never could. </p>
<p>Max was sat in the backseat on his Dad’s car, waiting for Charles to come and join them so that they could go and fetch burgers on their way home when he pulled his phone out of his pocket again and saw that Jev still hadn’t messaged him back.</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header"> Private </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Today</b> 21:17 </span> <br/>
<span class="breply"> I’m going to take your silence as enough of an answer. </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="text"> Daniel was wrong to pick you </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> The only thing he was wrong to do was to trust you. What a great friend you was, Jev, I bet you’re really proud of yourself </span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div><p>“God I am fucking starving, I wanna start a fight, and I need a shower,” Charles dramatically sighed as he threw himself into the car, immediately starting up a stink with how sweaty he was. “What happened to dipshit?”</p>
<p>Max shrugged and looked towards the front where Isä was sat shotgun. </p>
<p>“I didn’t punch him or kill him don’t worry,” Isä grumbled, “didn’t think your Dad would be too happy with me if I did. I just threw him out. Told him to not come back.”</p>
<p>“We had a massive argument,” Max explained when he saw Charles’ confused expression. “After I was done with you, I was talking with George and I kissed George’s cheek and he did the same to me, Dan saw, kicked off and started accusing George of being the one to send me the texts, and then we had a giant argument, I started crying, and then Isä threw him out.”</p>
<p>“I really wish we knew who sent those texts.” Charles was biting at the inside of his cheek as he shook his head slowly, eyes darting around the car. “Who the fuck sends shit like that? Like, yeah, of course what Dan was going to do was fucking awful but like, it was four years ago, why bring it up now? Especially when you and Dan are separated because of him being at uni and you still being here.”</p>
<p>“Some people just don’t want others to be happy I guess,” Max quietly said, looking down at his lap. </p>
<p>He could never tell any of them that he knew who had sent him the texts. </p>
<p>Would he ever tell Daniel?</p>
<p>Probably not…</p>
<p>To be fair, Max wasn’t sure if he’d even speak to Daniel again, let alone worry about telling him just who it was that had sent him those texts.</p>
<p>“Come to my room tonight,” Charles whispered, leaning in close to Max so that only he could hear, and upon seeing Max’s concerned expression explained further, “I’ve got a bottle of vodka from our birthday we didn’t drink, a dramatic playlist of break up and heartbreak songs, and we are going to get smashed on vodka and dance around my room to it.”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t sound conducive to our sleeping pattern considering that we both have 9am classes tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“I have no idea what conducive means, but we can skip, Max, I don’t care anymore. There’s two days left of term and I’ll be fine for the performance tomorrow evening, so we are going to get smashed, yeah?”</p>
<p>“Conducive means-”</p>
<p>“Shhh,” Charles cut him off, putting his hand over Max’s mouth before yelping when Max simply licked his palm. “Shut up, brainbox. It’s time to just turn your mind off that fuckwit for a bit, yeah?”</p>
<p>“And singing break up songs helps me forget about Daniel how?”</p>
<p>“Look, I never said it was a smart plan, but it’s important that we do this, okay? Trust me.”</p>
<p>And Max did. </p>
<p>He trusted Charles with everything. </p>
<p>There was a reason why Charles and he had somehow survived this far in life without either of them ending up dead or in prison. </p>
<p>Max wasn’t a good singer, not like Charles who had already destroyed his voice from singing and talking for the last three hours, however when they stood on Charles’ bed, glasses of vodka in each of their hands and Charles’ phone connected to one of the many speakers in his room with the volume turned all the way up (thank GOD they didn’t have neighbours that shared walls with them), Max felt like he was good. </p>
<p>They really should’ve done this earlier. </p>
<p>Hot tears streamed down Max’s face as they sang along loudly to the lyrics, hiccups falling from his throat as his words got wrapped around the heaviness in his throat at the broken lyrics. </p>
<p>Neither of them noticed their Dad coming by to check on them, smiling sadly when he saw the twins with their arms around each other, swaying and singing like everything was okay when in actuality, Charles was now the only thing keeping Max up. </p>
<p>He really had gotten so fucking used to being the boy that Daniel loved that it was strange knowing that he was never going to fall asleep in those arms again. That he wasn’t going to know what it was like to be kissed awake anymore. He wasn’t going to know what Daniel looked like holding his future niece or nephew that his older sister was expecting. He wasn’t going to feel the warmth of the human embodiment of sunshine. </p>
<p>Of course like any good drunken dramatic karaoke went, Max ended up wrapped in a blanket and sitting in front of a toilet, sobbing between every throw up as Valtteri rubbed the twins backs. </p>
<p>Even if he didn’t have Daniel, he at least had his family. </p>
<p>Including the family that he still had to tell that Daniel wasn’t going to be in his life anymore. </p>
<p>Shit his Grandfather was going to commit murder…</p>
<p>Yeah, Max wasn’t going to think about that. </p>
<p>That’s a problem for sober Max. </p>
<p>Drunk Max needed to focus on not choking on his tears. </p>
<p>That seemed like more of a priority.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>stan dramatic Charles for a good life</p>
<p>Kudos, comments &amp; feedback always greatly appreciated💙</p>
<p>Tumblr is at <a href="https://3303andmore.tumblr.com">3303andmore</a> xxx</p>
<p>
  <b>Fic Requests are currently closed xx </b>
</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <b>CW: Mentioned past sexual assault, mentioned suicidal behaviour</b>
</p>
<p>Welp this is it...</p>
<p>👀👀👀👀</p>
<p>hope u enjoy x</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s not that Max was avoiding telling his grandparents that he’d split up with Daniel, however he was definitely avoiding telling his grandparents that he’d split up with Daniel. </p>
<p>Uncle Fabian knew. </p>
<p>Of course he knew.</p>
<p>Well, it was Max’s fault that he knew. </p>
<p>Uncle Fabian had found Max sitting by the Christmas tree at 3am, silently crying and staring at a Christmas bauble that Daniel had given him. Clearly, his parents must’ve forgotten that Daniel had been the one to give Max that bauble or they probably wouldn’t have hung it up. </p>
<p>They’d been pretty good at strategically making anything connected to Daniel disappear over the last week since they broke up.</p>
<p>They normally weren’t in England over Christmas, normally in Germany or Finland, but Daniel had still insisted on giving Max a dumb, incredibly gaudy glittery flamingo bauble anyway that honestly Max hated how much he loved it. </p>
<p>The last time Max had been in England over Christmas, it had been based on hospital and psychiatric orders. </p>
<p>And now here he was instead, sitting in chequered pyjama pants and a jumper he’d definitely leeched off of Isä, crying at a fucking <i>flamingo</i>. </p>
<p>Uncle Fabian hadn’t said anything, simply sat beside Max and ran his fingers through his nephew’s hair and waited for Max to open up. Apparently, 3am on a Tuesday morning three days before Christmas was the optimum time to have a breakdown about how you missed the boy that you was in love with but couldn’t see because you were broken up. Uncle Fabian was a silent listener as Max poured his heart out, starting right from the beginning when Daniel had first joined their school back when Max was ten years old and he’d instantly noticed the older boy and fixated on him, falling head over heels for him and working all the way to Wednesday the week prior when Max had argued with him at the school performance. </p>
<p>His family already knew everything about Daniel, and yet telling Uncle Fabian just how he’d fallen for Daniel and all the stupid things that came along the way (he omitted some of the more... <i>adult</i> details) was freeing for Max. </p>
<p>If he wanted to allow himself to let go, he needed to let the memories free.</p>
<p>Not that he’d ever likely forget them.</p>
<p>If he had his way, he’d gladly forget every single memory from being a little boy before his Dad had saved them and replace them with endlessly laughter tracks from Daniel and pointless knowledge about football. </p>
<p>Stupid fucking football...</p>
<p>Max had <i>cried</i> watching a match the other day.</p>
<p>He’d never even <i>cared</i> about football before, but it was Daniel’s favourite team playing and they’d won the match and Max had simply stood there, staring at the screen with tears streaming down his cheeks, with Daniel’s voice as clear as the morning sky in his head screaming and cheering about the result, his arms around Max’s waist, his lips against Max’s, kissing Max hard.</p>
<p>Isä hadn’t said anything as he came into the room, took the TV Remote off of Max and changed the channel, putting some random antiques show on before pulling Max into him and allowing him to finish crying on his shoulder. </p>
<p>He couldn’t believe that something as small as <i>football</i> was enough to make Max burst into tears now.</p>
<p>It also didn’t escape him that when he’d watched the last of the match, he’d finally understood why Daniel kept going on about positioning within the match.</p>
<p>Also known as the very last thing that Daniel had spoken to Max about before their world had fallen apart.</p>
<p>Uncle Fabian had vanished and come back with a mug of warm milk and a gingerbread cookie that Oma had made for them, and Max had carefully broken it apart as he choked out, “I still love him, Uncle Fabe, I’m just so mad at him.”</p>
<p>“It’s normal,” Fabian replied, “It’s your first big heartbreak, Max. You can’t expect yourself to be completely okay. It’s been how long?”</p>
<p>“Ten days.”</p>
<p>“Exactly kid, <i>ten days</i>. That’s nothing.”</p>
<p>“I miss him so much.”</p>
<p>“You’re trying your best, Maxy.”</p>
<p>“I don’t get how I can still cry. It seems like all I do is cry.” Max brushed away from tears, the scratchiness of Isä’s jumper leaving tracks across his skin.</p>
<p>“You’re hurting, kiddo. It’s normal.”</p>
<p>Max had cried silently on Uncle Fabian’s shoulder for a while. He’d been close to him when they were younger and had lived in Germany and Max had always loved seeing his uncle when they’d gone to Germany afterwards. He never really said much, but loved spoiling all three of his brother’s kids, and as they sat there, mugs of warm milk and too many gingerbread cookies that Oma would definitely notice were missing in the morning, Max knew that Fabian was his favourite Uncle. </p>
<p>“Am I wrong to want to take him back?” Max quietly asked.</p>
<p>“I don’t think so. But I think you both need to have a very long and difficult conversation about what you both want. You’re still so young, Max, it’s still your first relationship. If you don’t stay together, you will find someone else one day.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want anyone else. I just want Daniel.”</p>
<p>Fabian sighed and kissed Max’s hair, running his hand up and down Max’s arm. He didn’t say anything else to Max, simply cradled his nephew close as Max fell asleep on his shoulder again.</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>Max understood why his Dad always insisted on no phones at the dinner table, as Max should’ve really anticipated that that would be how his grandparents found out that him and Daniel had broken up.</p>
<p>Isä’s parents had turned up earlier that day and now the entire family was sat around the dinner table. Admittedly it was a bit of a squeeze fitting the ten of them around the table and Max should’ve listened to Charles when he said that he shouldn’t be on his phone, but neither of the twins have ever been very good at following instruction. </p>
<p>Ukki and Oma were discussing Charles’ recent performance as <i>Danny Zuko</i> as Valtteri helped Dad and Isä finish up in the kitchen, with Opa and Mummo both distracted talking to Charles, meaning that Max was left with no one paying attention to him. </p>
<p>He’d only planned on going on Instagram so he could leave another inappropriate comment on George’s post of his parents like they’d all taken to doing lately, and yet as he scrolled, his thumb seemed to automatically stop on the username that Max adored.</p>
<p>
  <i>danielricciardo</i>
</p>
<p>Max couldn’t help but stare at the photo, brow immediately furrowing.</p>
<p>
  <i> back to the motherland! see you in the new year aus! </i>
</p>
<p>Daniel had posted a photo of his passport alongside it and Max felt his heart stop.</p>
<p>“Max, phone away, please,” Dad said, brushing his hand over Max’s head as he walked past him.</p>
<p>“Dan’s going to Australia...” Max whispered. </p>
<p>“What’s that, Maxy?”</p>
<p>“Dan, he’s going Australia. I know he don’t have to tell me but-” Max choked on his next words, tears brimming. </p>
<p>“He’s your <i>boyfriend</i>, he should’ve told you,” Mummo tried to argue however Max simply shook his head. </p>
<p>“We broke up,” Max whispered, voice thick with emotion. “We broke up…”</p>
<p>Max’s grandparents were all looking at him with shocked expressions, all surprised to say the least. </p>
<p>It was testament to how well loved Daniel was that none of them were expecting it. </p>
<p>“When?” Mummo asked. </p>
<p>“Um, the 12th. Ten day ago,” Max told them. “And we haven’t talked much since, we had an argument last week but, I still thought he’d tell me if he was moving back to Australia, you know? I still have some of his stuff.”</p>
<p>“He’s not moving,” Charles suddenly interrupted.</p>
<p>“How do you know?”</p>
<p>“I’m reading the comments,” Charles told them, his own phone now on the table as he stared at it. “He’s got a university placement out there, did he not tell you he was applying for it?”</p>
<p>Max shook his head as a silent answer. </p>
<p>“Why did you break up?” Opa asked.</p>
<p>“Dad, not the time,” Seb interrupted, shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter why they split up. Some stuff happened between Daniel and Max, Max doesn’t need to get into it.”</p>
<p>“But the boy is still alive?”</p>
<p>“Dad, I’m not going to have Daniel killed!” Seb argued and Max giggled through his tears, “It’s <i>Max’s</i> relationship. He’s eighteen. And plus, you didn’t kill the boy that first broke my heart!”</p>
<p>“Only because your mother told me not to,” Opa grumbled. </p>
<p>“He was <i>thirteen</i>, Norman!” Oma lamented and even though Max’s world was spinning so fast he was convinced he was going to get thrown into the stratosphere with no way of returning to earth, he at least felt something. </p>
<p>Christmas was hard this year, Max knew it was. He should’ve been seeing Daniel tomorrow and instead Max was going to hang out with his grandparents. He didn’t necessarily mind, it was nice to see his grandparents again after more than eight months in a way that didn’t include a mobile screen, but he couldn’t help but think about last year, when he’d hid in his bedroom at Oma and Opa’s house and Daniel had smirked and giggled his way through telling Max how to get himself off. </p>
<p>It was strange how your entire world differed from year to year. </p>
<p>To be fair, this time last year as well, Charles had been silently trying to deal with sexual assault and Max hadn’t been talking to him, so things really were different this year. </p>
<p>Instead Charles was happy and Max was heartbroken.</p>
<p>Mummo put her arm over Max’s shoulders, pulling her grandson into her and kissing his cheek. </p>
<p>“I’ll break his kneecaps,” she whispered in his ear, and even with tears still building and his shoulders shaking with silent cries, Max did laugh. </p>
<p>“Don’t break his kneecaps, I like his legs,” Max answered back only for Charles to mock-gag.</p>
<p>“You more than just <i>liked</i> his legs, I’ve heard enough of your se-”</p>
<p>“Okay, Charles! Thank you!” Dad interrupted, cutting Charles off from complaining about Max’s previous sex life. </p>
<p>“I’m just saying! Max has such a big sportsman kink for a boy that seems like he’s allergic to sports!”</p>
<p>“Charles! We really don’t need to have this discussion!”</p>
<p>“I’m just <i>saying</i>!”</p>
<p>Max still had his head down on Mummo’s shoulder and Oma had reached across the table to squeeze his hand, whilst Opa’s stare was fixed on Max’s phone. </p>
<p>He knew what Opa would be thinking. </p>
<p>He’d be thinking about murdering Daniel. </p>
<p>They’d met him in person in April when they’d gone across to Germany for a weekend break and Max had dragged Daniel along. At the time, Opa had threatened Daniel, told him that should he ever break Max’s heart, he’d bury him under the roses that he’d spent so many years growing and perfecting. He’d muttered something in German that had Max choke on his tea in surprise before bursting out laughing, whilst Daniel had progressively looked more confused. Max had ended up translating it for him when they’d gone for a walk by themselves around Heppenheim, telling him that Opa had muttered something about how a decomposing body was good for the health of the roses. </p>
<p>Daniel had looked concerned but had simply thrown his arm around Max’s shoulders and promised that he’d never do that. </p>
<p>Max hated when promises got broken…</p>
<p>~~</p>
<p></p><div class="phone">
  <p class="messagebody">
<span class="header"> Delete the message without looking </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="time"><b>Today</b> 12:34 </span> <br/>
<span class="text"> Can we talk? </span><br/>
<br/>
<span class="breply"> Sure </span><br/>
<br/>
</p>
</div>Even though Daniel had text Max at midday, it was now late evening, the sun had vanished, and he’d not heard anything back from the older boy.<p>Max had simply shook his head and tried to forget about it, pushing down that growing sense of sadness. </p>
<p>It was Christmas Eve, after all, he didn’t need to fixate on Daniel. </p>
<p>Mummo had coerced Max into helping her make some Joulutorttu, a Finnish pastry that the twins had loved growing up, after dinner. With Charles currently in the process of trying to work out how to sneak Pierre into the house (even though Dad was more than aware what Charles was doing), it was down to Max and Ukki to help her. Valtteri was with Oma, Uncle Fabian and Opa in the living room whilst Dad and Isä were ‘checking on stuff’. </p>
<p>Max knew that ‘checking on stuff’ was code for wrapping the kids presents. </p>
<p>They’d used the same excuse every year since the twins had joined the family and honestly Max was surprised that they still lied but he had to admit, in a time that he didn’t really understand what was happening in the world, it was at least nice to have something familiar. </p>
<p>The doorbell echoed through the house and Max chanced a look down the hallway but Opa was already heading to answer it. It was probably just Pierre anyway, dropping by with some of Romain’s croissants like Charles said he might, and so Max went back to stirring the prune jam his Mummo had told him to. </p>
<p>Max frowned when he didn’t immediately hear stumbled accented English echoing through the house, and it was only when he heard Opa say “Hang on I’ve got a baseball bat here-” that Max realised it probably wasn’t Charles’ boyfriend on their doorstep. </p>
<p>“Shit!” Max yelped, dropping the wooden spoon and sprinting out of the kitchen with Mummo’s “Language, Max Emilian!” echoing behind him.</p>
<p>“Sorry Mummo!” Max yelled as he ran, sprinting between Oma and Uncle Fabian and pushing Opa out of the way, away from Daniel where he was pointing the bat at him.</p>
<p>“Opa don’t!” Max announced, grabbing the baseball bat off him (seriously who the fuck put a baseball bat by the front door?!) and pushing his Grandfather back. Daniel was stood with wide eyes, staring at Max’s Grandfather, clearly jittery as he anxiously ran his thumb back and forth over his rose tattoo.</p>
<p>“Leave it, Opa!” Max warned him when he saw Opa glaring at Daniel. </p>
<p>“I’ll leave it when he apologises!”</p>
<p>“That’s what I’m trying to do,” Daniel quietly interrupted, voice cracking as he looked between Max and Opa. “I know you don’t really want to see me, Max, but I can’t let this go without talking shit through with you one last time. I need us to figure out what we’re doing because it’s fucking killing me, Max.”</p>
<p>“I’ll kill you-”</p>
<p>“Opa!” Max yelled, “Dad! Can you come and get Opa?!”</p>
<p>“Let him kill the bastard!” Mummo called out and Max couldn’t refrain from bursting into laughter.</p>
<p>“You just told me off for swearing!” Max shouted through his laughter. </p>
<p>“You’re a child!” Mummo yelled, and Max turned back to Daniel as he rolled his eyes. </p>
<p>A soft smile had worked its way onto Daniel’s lips as he looked at Max.</p>
<p>“I’ve missed hearing you laugh,” Daniel quietly admitted and Max’s smile instantly dropped. </p>
<p>He would’ve reacted to it further if it wasn’t for his Opa grumbling, “I’ve missed burying a body.”</p>
<p>“Go away!” Max sighed, glaring at Opa until Dad grabbed hold of him and pulled Max’s Grandfather away.</p>
<p>Of course Dad glared at Daniel before he went, but still. At least Dad didn’t try to smash Daniel’s head in with the baseball bat like Opa did. </p>
<p>“Can we talk, Max? Seriously? No getting mad, no shouting. I need to sort this out with you because I’m driving my Mum crazy with constantly going on about it, and my head’s all over the place and I just want to talk. No expectations, just talk.”</p>
<p>Max sighed and nodded, “I can’t go anywhere because I need to stay here, my Dad won’t let me, but we can sit go and sit on the swings in my garden if that’s okay?”</p>
<p>“That’s fine,” Daniel smiled.</p>
<p>Fuck Max had missed that smile. </p>
<p>Max moved out of the way for Daniel to walk through the house, and Max grabbed a jacket and some trainers from the coat rack, pulling them both on. </p>
<p>“It’s kinda cold out, so you might want a hat and some gloves,” Daniel said and Max felt a wave of warmth run through him. They may be in the middle of the most intense thing that ever had happened in their relationship, but knowing that Daniel was still trying to take care of him and look out for him did remind Max just why he’d fallen in love with the stupid twat originally. </p>
<p>“We’re only going in the garden, Daniel.”</p>
<p>“I know, I still don’t want you to get cold though.”</p>
<p>Max rolled his eyes and motioned for Daniel to follow him. Isä was stood on the stairs and Daniel automatically tensed when he saw him, and honestly Max was just glad that Charles wasn’t around because he wasn’t sure if he’d actually try to kick Daniel’s head in or not this time. </p>
<p>Mummo and Ukki both stared as Daniel and Max traipsed their way through the kitchen, heading through the sliding glass patio doors and out to the garden. The old swing set that had been installed when they’d first moved here was still thriving even though it squeaked when two grown boys sat down on it. </p>
<p>Looking down at his trainers, Max swung himself slowly back and forth, arms coming to wrap around himself as Daniel stared at him. </p>
<p>“What do you want to talk about?” Max asked, feeling uncomfortable with the amount of intense focus Daniel had on him. </p>
<p>“You. And how you’re doing.”</p>
<p>“You broke my heart,” Max admitted, “And last week, when you had a go at me because of George, so yeah, pretty expected that I feel like shit, isn’t it?”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry for the way I reacted, I just, I’ve been so stressed it all and desperately wanting to figure out who it was that text you and when I saw you smile at George, and I knew that I’d messed everything up, I jumped to conclusions and I’m so sorry, Max.”</p>
<p>“He’s my <i>friend</i>.”</p>
<p>“I know. And I know he loves Alex. And even if you did want to be with him, we broke up. I can’t get angry at you falling for someone.”</p>
<p>Max sighed and screwed his eyes shut, swallowing around the tears that were trying to fall, “I’m not falling for anyone else.”</p>
<p>“I don’t mind if you are, Max, that’s what I’m trying to say. Of course I love you, but we broke up. I don’t own you. I never <i>owned</i> you and if you want to be with someone else, that’s got nothing to do with me. Your happiness is what matters, and you deserve to be happy with whoever it is that makes you happy.”</p>
<p>Anxiously fiddling with the zipper on his coat, the sound of it filled the baron garden. Even the sounds of Max’s house were muted in comparison to the way that Max’s heart was desperately punching its way out of Max’s chest, louder than the screams that filled Max’s nightmares of Charles as a kid. </p>
<p>“And I really do want to apologise for everything. But can I ask you something?” Daniel asked and Max nodded. There was a pause that seemed to last long enough that Max was almost sure Daniel had lost his nerve, before he quietly asked, “What did you mean when you said I smothered you?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean it quite the way it came out. But I guess what I meant was that I went from being a no one and needing time to settle into the relationship with you, to everyone knowing who I was in a couple of days. And I didn’t know how to tell you to slow down because you was so excited to tell people about us, and I panicked and just went with it. And sometimes, especially around your friends, I felt like I had to be there or you’d get upset with me. I’m not used to having friends, and it gets really overwhelming always being around people and that’s what it’s like with you because you thrive off of the company of other people. And it’s not a bad thing, but it’s just, I don’t have the social confidence you do. You always wanted me there with you and at your matches and I panic and say yes when I don’t always want to,” Max explained quietly, never once taking his eyes off the stone that he was kicking between his feet. </p>
<p>When Daniel didn’t say anything, Max peeked up at him from the corner of his eye, smiling awkwardly when he saw the horrified look expression on Daniel’s face, trying to ignore the tears brewing in Daniel’s eyes. </p>
<p>“Fuck, shit, fuck I am so sorry, Max. God I really fucked that up,” Daniel whispered, hands scrubbing over his face. “I knew, <i>I know</i> about your social anxiety, shit, fuck, I am so fucking sorry. I should’ve thought about it all.”</p>
<p>“It’s not your fault-”</p>
<p>“Yes it is, Max. It is. I pushed you too much, I am really sorry.”</p>
<p>Wrapping his hands around the rope of the swing, Max tapped an indistinguishable pattern against it. </p>
<p>“I should’ve communicated that.”</p>
<p>“And I should’ve paid attention and realised when you were uncomfortable. I know your signs for anxiety and panic attacks, I should’ve realised that you had anxiety in social situations. I’m really sorry for forcing you into all of that and smothering you and not giving you chance to be by yourself,” Daniel said. </p>
<p>The cold winter air was crisp around them and Max could feel the tips of his fingers freezing against the rope of the swing.</p>
<p>“It was alright sometimes. It’s just that sometimes I needed to be by myself and I didn’t know how to tell you without you feeling bad. And then I’ve made you feel bad anyway so it doesn’t really matter, does it? Because I fucked up either way,” Max said and Daniel was quick to shake his head. </p>
<p>“You didn’t fuck up anything, Max. It’s like you’ve said yourself, this is your first relationship and I should’ve been more considerate of that fact. I love you and I did a shit job at taking care of you.”</p>
<p>“You didn’t. You do an amazing job. You’re an amazing boyfriend and I still can’t believe I got to call you my boyfriend. You took great care of me and you’re not my Dad, after all. You were my boyfriend and you’re young too, Daniel, you can’t take on the responsibilities of everyone,” Max reassured him. </p>
<p>For a while, the two of them sat in silence, kicking the stone back and forth between them. Neither of them seemed to know what to say. </p>
<p>There was both a thousand words that needed to be said and also nothing more that Max could say. </p>
<p>“I’m not sure if you’ve seen,” Daniel carefully said, “but I’m going to Australia in January for ten weeks.”</p>
<p>“I saw,” Max confirmed. </p>
<p>“It’s got nothing to do with our argument. It’s a last minute thing that only came up a couple weeks ago. My tutor runs an exchange programme and the guy that was meant to be going in my place broke his ankle so he can’t fly and she asked me if I’d like to go. It’s been really last minute and I wanted to tell you so badly but we’d already broken up and I didn’t think you’d want to know.”</p>
<p>“I’m really proud of you,” Max smiled, “what are you going to do?”</p>
<p>“It’s a ten week placement. And I’m going to be teaching out there. Mainly football, but I’m going to be like a little PE teacher with primary school kids in disadvantaged areas.”</p>
<p>“That’s really cool. You’re going to be great at that. You’re so good at explaining things to people.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I kinda don’t want to go. Not after all this shit between us.”</p>
<p>“We’ve got to keep going, Daniel. We can’t keep letting this break up rule what we do with our lives. If I did, I’d still be sobbing in bed with my Dad furiously trying to get me to drink water because he’s scared I’m crying out all of the water intake in my body.”</p>
<p>“I feel you on that. I’ve barely done anything other than cry and try and figure out how to talk to you. There’s been so many times that I’ve just stared at your number and wanted to message you or call you and sort this out,” Daniel said and Max shrugged uselessly. </p>
<p>“I wouldn’t have wanted to talk to you. Especially after last week.”</p>
<p>“I’m surprised you did answer, I don’t deserve your time. I messed you up, Max. I really fucked up. I should’ve spoken to you at the start. I should’ve been honest. I should’ve talked to your Dads and you and explained what they’d wanted me to do to you and why I nearly went through with it. There’s so many things I wish I could do differently.”</p>
<p>“You can’t keep living in the past, Daniel. The world is always going to keep turning, and there’s always going to be shit that you need to deal with in the present. Including your fucking trust issues with me,” Max pointed out. He had to admit, he was a little bit surprised that Daniel nodded instantly. </p>
<p>“I really do. I think one of the big things I’ve learnt from this whole shit is that I need to learn to communicate better, and not just make shit into a pity party for myself. I don’t want you to pity me or forgive me just because you can, I want to prove that I’m a better person, Max. And I don’t want you to think that I don’t want you to have friends or anything. You’re absolutely right that it wasn’t fair for me to accuse George when all he did was be friendly with you, when that’s the exact same behaviour I exhibit.”</p>
<p>“Going to Australia means you’ll be away from me for ten weeks,” Max said quietly, “I don’t want to have to deal with you getting all possessive and shit about me hanging out with my friends and thinking that I’m cheating on you or whatever just because I’m friends with other boys.”</p>
<p>“I know you wouldn’t cheat on anyone, Max. Your heart is too damn pure for this world.”</p>
<p>“Some people don’t like that.”</p>
<p>Daniel sighed and lent backwards into the framework of the swing set, watching Max. His fingers were tapping a rhythm against his jeans, and even though he was watching Max, it didn’t seem as though he was looking <i>at</i> Max, but rather <i>through</i> Max. </p>
<p>“I wish I knew who had sent those fucking texts. That’s what’s killing me the most. I just want to know who the fuck it was because-”</p>
<p>“It was Jev,” Max interrupted, looking down at his feet. His heart was pounding in his ears, and to stop the tears from bubbling up again, Max bit hard at one of the cuts inside his mouth, redirecting the pain away from his head and his heart and to something that he could manage better. </p>
<p>“Jev?” Daniel repeated incredulously, “I haven’t spoken to Jev in like four months.”</p>
<p>“Exactly.”</p>
<p>“What’s that got to do with it?”</p>
<p>“You don’t talk to your old friends anymore. All you cared about was your new uni friends, and me. I’m the only part of school that you kept.”</p>
<p>Daniel seemed to slowly realise what Max was getting at, and started scrubbing at his eyes with his hands. </p>
<p>“I ditched Jev for you...” Daniel muttered, with Max nodding as a silent answer. </p>
<p>Pulling his phone from his pocket, Max anxiously flipped it around between his fingers before looking across at Daniel. </p>
<p>“Did you know he had a thing for you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, years ago.”</p>
<p>“When?” </p>
<p>Daniel scoffed and shook his head, shrugging, “I dunno, it was years ago-”</p>
<p>“End of year 9, start of year 10, by any chance?”</p>
<p>Max watched as the pieces slowly fell into place, and everything started to catch up with Daniel. When Daniel was at the end of year 9, he’d have just turned fourteen and Max would’ve still been that innocent little thirteen year old that they’d wanted to humiliate. </p>
<p>“Yeah... yeah it would’ve been then. And I used to talk his ear off about you. I knew he had a thing for me, but I used to just talk about you instead. I told him that I didn’t like him like that, that he was just a mate. I thought that you two always got along fine?”</p>
<p>“We got along okay, but he only put up with me because of you. He hated me being around you and the way you used to look at me.”</p>
<p>“But we were just best friends.”</p>
<p>“Did you see him at all over summer? Before uni started?”</p>
<p>Daniel thought about it for a moment, hand in his curls before slowly shaking his head, “No ‘cause I was with you for most of summer, you and Charles. Or I was working at UCL or training. I was always busy.”</p>
<p>“Have you seen him <i>since</i> uni started?”</p>
<p>“No, ‘cause whenever I come home, it’s to see you and my Mum.”</p>
<p>“He was jealous, Dan. He lost everything,” Max told him, “he’s mad. Like you said, you were best friends and then suddenly you were strangers.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t spoken to him in like four months though, Max. We went our separate ways. He’s gone to uni somewhere down south.”</p>
<p>“So? It doesn’t mean you can’t still be angry at someone.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to kill him if I ever see him again.”</p>
<p>“No you’re not,” Max said sharply.</p>
<p>“But he hurt you! That’s not fair! Just because he was angry with me doesn’t mean he can hurt you!”</p>
<p>“You hurt me too, Daniel. I know he’s the one that told me, but you was the one who was going to do it. You said it yourself, you only cared about yourself at that age. You hurt me a lot, Daniel, and something like that completely fucks up the trust I have in you. I don’t care about Jev. I haven’t cared since the second I found out who it was that sent me the texts. I <i>never</i> cared who it was, not after the initial shock wore off. All I cared about is that you, the boy I loved and trusted, hurt me. And I have to live with that. I have to live with the knowledge that <i>you</i> hurt me.”</p>
<p>Max’s voice up until now has been quiet but at least slightly strong, and then on the last sentence, his emotions start to wobble and his voice cracks.</p>
<p>“You hurt me so badly. And I’m so mad because I fucking want to punch you in the face and scream and yell, but at the same time I’m still so fucking in love with you and I hate it.”</p>
<p>“You hate being in love with me?” Daniel quietly asked, his own voice shaking. Max had never heard his normally so strong boyf- <i>ex</i>-boyfriend sound so tiny. </p>
<p>“Yeah. I do. Because I can’t imagine a fucking life without you but at the same time you hurt me and I’m scared to trust you.”</p>
<p>Max anxiously started fiddling with the hem of his coat, only just realising now that he’d put on Charles’. It was some stupid puffer jacket that Max always said made him look like a fish that was about to commit a mugging, and Charles would pout, only to get called ‘fish’ by Max again. </p>
<p>Clearly something about the knowledge that he’d unwittingly brought his brother along as protection without knowing must’ve tipped something in Max’s brain (not that Max ever understood what was happening with his own brain), and before he knew it, he was bent over, sobbing into folded arms as the waterworks finally unleashed their gallon of pain.</p>
<p>Daniel slipped off the swing beside him and knelt down on the wet grass, pulling Max into his arms and holding him tightly.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, Max, honestly. So fucking sorry. I can never make this up to you but I promise I will do everything in my power to be a better person,” Daniel whispered, tears streaming down his face too. “I completely get it if you want to move on, to forget I exist and start a new life without me. Seriously I do. I want you to be happy and if that means a life without me-”</p>
<p>Max cut Daniel off by grabbing his jaw and pulling him in, their lips meeting and dancing the same dance they’d done thousands of times. Salt caught on both of their lips from their tears and Max both wanted to push it away and also never forget it.</p>
<p>Much like their first ever kiss, it’s slow, and somewhat unremarkable, them both too scared to push the other one, until Max pressed his palms tighter around Daniel’s jaw and slipped off the swing, straddling Daniel’s lap and kissing him hard. At some point, Daniel fell back into the grass and Max followed him, hands pushing into the grass on either side of Daniel’s head as he kissed him with Daniel’s hands resting on Max’s waist. </p>
<p>Normally he’d be sneaking his hands down Max’s jeans or up his top, only now, he was treating Max like that boy he’d first fallen for. The boy who had no experience and was scared of everything and everyone. </p>
<p>“I can’t just move on from you,” Max whispered, pulling away and breathing hard. He rested his forehead against Daniel’s and closed his eyes, not wanting to open them and see what he’d done. </p>
<p>“What do you want, Maxy?”</p>
<p>There’s another beat of silence that’s become so familiar to them both over the last twelve days when they’re in each other’s presence. </p>
<p>Whereas before, the silence was always nice, now it was awkward and full of expectations in a way that Max didn’t know how to fill. </p>
<p>The silence dropped down upon them, suffocating them both under its grasp.</p>
<p>“I want you, but I’m scared,” Max admitted, and slowly opened his eyes to see the hesitant, yet somewhat hopeful, look Daniel was giving him. </p>
<p>Rolling off Daniel, Max pushed himself back up and sat on the swing, looking down at Daniel still laying by his feet.</p>
<p>“If we decide to do this, we can’t just jump back into how we was. We need to restart. We need to rebuild. And you need to show me I can trust you,” Max explained and Daniel quickly nodded.</p>
<p>Part of Max thought that he could ask Daniel to run across hot coals with a hundred knives in his back and he’d do it if it just meant he could have Max back in his life. </p>
<p>Holding his hand out, Max pulled Daniel up off the floor and stood up, silently leading the older boy behind a tree so that they were hidden from vision for a moment. </p>
<p>Max was more than sure that his family had seen him kiss Daniel, and he knew that his parents wouldn’t be too happy that he wanted to take Daniel back but wouldn’t intervene because they knew Max was old enough to understand and make his own decisions.</p>
<p>They didn’t need to see Max and Daniel negotiate their future together.</p>
<p>There was soft lighting on the fencing that Charles had insisted his Dads hang up for the <i>aesthetic</i>, giving Max just enough light to see the intense look Daniel was giving him. </p>
<p>They sat with probably half a metre of distance between them, the most they ever had since they’d gone on their first date. Even on the first date, Max had been cuddling up to Daniel, putting Daniel’s arm around him and his head on Daniel’s shoulder. </p>
<p>Sitting so close yet so far away yet again.</p>
<p>Silently, Max took Daniel’s hand in his, feeling the ice slip between his fingers as Daniel’s normally so warm skin buckled against Max’s hand. His fingers shake as they rest against Max’s palm, and for the first time in his life, Max realised that Daniel was <i>scared</i>. </p>
<p>He was scared of what Max has to say.</p>
<p>Scared that the fire burning within Max will overwhelm them both, leaving them scorched and burned and without a future that they can easily rebuild.</p>
<p>And yet, the ice of Daniel’s hand was enough to fight against the fire of Max’s heart, and Max could slowly feel the desire to fight diminish. </p>
<p>He was tired of being angry and sad all the time.</p>
<p>He’d had enough of that as a kid when all he’d wanted was a friend to call his own that wasn’t his brothers.</p>
<p>“If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it properly, yeah? No lies. No secrets. Not when it’s something that affects each other,” Max said, and slowly the fear in Daniel’s eyes started to fall away. “You need to go to Australia as well. Those ten weeks, we’re going to use it to our advantage, yeah?”</p>
<p>“How so?”</p>
<p>“Let’s just restart everything. And you need to learn to trust me.”</p>
<p>“I do trust you, I do, honestly. I just got so jealous seeing George kiss your cheek. I know you’re not my boy at the minute, but I can’t just switch it off.”</p>
<p>“So it’s not alright for George to kiss my cheek but I have to watch you kiss everyone else?” Max countered, cocking his head as he stared at Daniel. </p>
<p>Daniel sighed and shook his head, “You’re right, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about it like that.”</p>
<p>“If we’re going to have a proper, serious relationship, you need to tone down this possessive shit. You know I love it and I love when people know I’m your boyfriend and I love when you leave hickeys and I wear your jumpers and you get that dark look in your eyes. But I need space sometimes too, yeah? And you going to Australia will help us figure that out. You’re going to be busy working, I’ve got mock exams, I’m going to be with my <i>friends</i> and you are going to be with your friends. And if I’m sad and I miss you and I want to hug someone, I shouldn’t have to use Charlotte or one of her girlfriends because otherwise you’ll get jealous. I’m allowed friends that are the same gender as me, Daniel, and I’m allowed to touch them without you losing your fucking mind.”</p>
<p>“You are. You absolutely are. I’m sorry, I really didn’t think about how I get too much or whatever. Can you... can you call me out on it? I know it makes you scared but me making you uncomfortable makes me scared too, and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Max nodded, and even though he knew the idea of it was terrifying, if they were going to be grown ups in this relationship, it involved them improving their communication.</p>
<p>“Can I ask one more thing?” Daniel tentatively asked, his fingers tightening and loosening around Max’s repeatedly. Max swallowed thickly and nodded, leaning his head back into the tree and staring at the boy that stole his heart.</p>
<p>Daniel closed his eyes for a brief second, taking a deep breath before looking back at Max, “Does this mean we can be boyfriends again?” </p>
<p>“I guess so. But I want us to take it really slow, okay? And no sex, at least for a while. I’m still mad at you after all and you need to prove to me that you’ve learnt from this before I give you access to my body. I trusted you once, and I can’t give myself over to you again only for you to break my heart <i>again</i>. And if you do, I won’t stop people from killing you. This really messed me up, Dan.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Daniel murmured, cupping Max’s jaw.</p>
<p>“My brother asked if I was going to kill myself, Daniel. It’s not just a ‘I spent hours in bed crying’. I mean my Dads nearly put me on suicide watch. I mean my twin brother would fall asleep in my bed because I cried myself to sleep almost every night for the last twelve days. I mean my dad had to stop me watching football because I <i>cried</i> when your stupid team won the match.”</p>
<p>“You watched it?” Daniel quietly asked, tears brewing in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Of course I fucking did. I even understood the stupid off-side positioning rule thingy-shit that you told me about for the first time in my life. All I could think about is you screaming because they’d won. I was crying for ages and Uncle Fabian found me in front of the tree staring at that stupid fucking flamingo you bought me last year.”</p>
<p>A tear fell from Daniel’s eyes and Max brought their joint hands up to kiss Daniel’s knuckles. </p>
<p>“I love you, you stupid fucking idiot, but if you hurt me again, I’m going to smash your fucking beautiful face in with your football, understood?” Max said and even though he was crying, Daniel did laugh. </p>
<p>The infectiousness of Daniel’s laughter once again took over and Max pressed his face into Daniel’s neck, burying his cold nose against Daniel’s cold skin and hiding in his hood as he giggled. Pulling his hand free, Max shifted to curl his arms around Daniel’s waist, drinking in that stupid cinnamon and <i>bergamot</i> scent that Max got drunk off easily. </p>
<p>Things weren’t good between them, but it was okay and the baby steps of progress that they could make to start to rebuild the relationship between them. </p>
<p>“Can I smack him with a baseball bat yet?!” Opa yelled out of the patio doors and Max pressed a kiss to Daniel’s neck before he yelled back.</p>
<p>“No! Not yet anyway!” </p>
<p>“Please don’t smack me with a baseball bat,” Daniel laughed, dropping his head onto Max’s and holding him close. </p>
<p>“Your Mummo says you need to come and deal with the jam! Bring the bastard with you!”</p>
<p>“Dad! Stop calling him a bastard!” Max’s own father interrupted. </p>
<p>“I’m really scared to go back in to your house,” Daniel said as Max stood up, pulling Daniel with him. </p>
<p>“You should be,” Max shrugged, tying their fingers together. “Word of advice, don’t open your mouth.”</p>
<p>“Don’t plan on it.”</p>
<p>The two of them walked back towards the house, Max feeling the same anxiety but also grounding feel that he’d felt that first time that he’d ever walked through his house holding Daniel’s hand, preparing to introduce him to Max’s family. </p>
<p>“No more crying in front of the Christmas tree?” Dad asked as Max walked in, immediately looking at their joint hands before looking up at Max quizzically. Max saw the mild hesitation in Dad’s eyes as though he didn’t want to believe Max had taken Daniel back, but he wasn’t going to say anything, Max knew he wouldn’t. He just wanted Max to be happy after all. </p>
<p>“Probably will still cry in front of the Christmas tree. I told him if he breaks my heart again I’m going to smash his face in with a football,” Max said, much to Opa’s approval who nodded slowly. </p>
<p>Max felt Daniel move beside him, twisting around with him only to find Uncle Fabian and Charles both pointing baseball bats at Daniel. </p>
<p>Seriously…</p>
<p>Where the <i>fuck</i> had Charles found a <i>second</i> baseball bat?!</p>
<p>Neither of them said anything, simply kept the bats over their shoulders and stared at Daniel. </p>
<p>“We’re going to take it slow, going to start again. And learn to <i>talk</i> and not keep any secrets,” Max explained, “And that means no one can bonk Daniel with a bat, or any other kind of weapon, okay? And yes, Charles, throttling him with a piece of fabric does count as a weapon, it would uphold in a court of law.”</p>
<p>“Not if Dad’s the one defending me. He’d get me off the murder charge.”</p>
<p>“Just dispose of my body. No body, no crime,” Daniel tentatively joked. </p>
<p>“Please don’t give them ideas,” Max sighed, curling into Daniel and pressing his face into his shoulder. “I just got you back, I don’t want to lose you again.”</p>
<p>Max knew that this wasn’t over. And he could almost guarantee that, at some point, Daniel was going to hunt Jev down and punch his lights out. </p>
<p>The last twelve days had been some of the worst, but standing there in his kitchen with the most annoying and yet loving boy that Max had ever met, things started to look a bit brighter. </p>
<p>Opa and Isä were still glaring, Dad looked relieved, Charles and Uncle Fabian hadn’t moved an inch and Valtteri simply smiled. </p>
<p>“It’s good to see you smile, <i>pieni leijona</i>,” Mummo murmured, coming forward to kiss Max’s forehead before smacking Daniel on the head with her wooden spoon and causing him to yelp in shocked pain. “You, don’t make me hate you again. You are a good boy and if you hurt my Max again and I will throw you under the ice.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Ma’am, I understand,” Daniel grinned, rubbing the spot on his head where Mummo had hit him. </p>
<p>Things weren’t fixed, but they were getting there, and Max knew that throughout anything else they went through, he’d always remember this time. </p>
<p>There was still a lot of conversations they needed to have and a lot of things to get into the open, and Max was seriously dreading those ten weeks that Daniel was on the other side of the world to him, but the space would do them good. </p>
<p>And plus, at least now they’d made up slightly, it meant that Max could finally get around to practicing his sexting skills with Daniel being stuck in Australia. </p>
<p>There had to be silver linings to every heartbreak, right?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I will die for Max's grandparents threatening to kill Daniel</p>
<p>Kudos, comments &amp; feedback always greatly appreciated💙</p>
<p>Tumblr is at <a href="https://3303andmore.tumblr.com">3303andmore</a> xxx</p>
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